24 Places Not To Have Sex

Sometimes you are so friggin’ hot for someone that you think you can have mind-blowing sex with them anywhere. And you want to get down and dirty in some creative places! But baby, before you go dropping your drawers, you gotta think about where your crazy ass is about to go. In the heat of the moment, we might be inspired to try doing it in the most nearby, available, and innovative spaces where two freaks can smush. But, unfortunately, some spots are just bad sex-tinations. We’ve compiled a list of 23 locales where you should keep your pants on, temporarily, until you can relocate. Let these be a warning to us all! Please, feel free to add on to the no-go list in the comments.

  1. In a chair with wheels
  2. On a pile of mechanical wires
  3. Sandy beaches
  4. Mel Gibson’s house
  5. A river with cold water
  6. Hammock
  7. Stairs
  8. Windowsill
  9. Bathroom on a bus
  10. Pitch-black room
  11. Parent’s bedroom
  12. The roof— humping on tar will make you feel like you’re getting sand-papered
  13. The host’s bed or couch in the house you’re crashing at
  14. Car parked in a friend and/or relative’s driveway
  15. Splintery wood floors
  16. The easily dented hood or trunk of a car
  17. In front of a video camera with Ray J/Spencer Pratt/Rick Solomon
  18. In a moving vehicle with the driver
  19. On top of the hotel bedspread— a black light can show you exactly why
  20. Glass-top table
  21. The fire escape
  22. A canoe
  23. The Oval Office
  24. The jacuzzi at the “Jersey Shore” house