24 Places Not To Have Sex

Sometimes you are so friggin’ hot for someone that you think you can have mind-blowing sex with them anywhere. And you want to get down and dirty in some creative places! But baby, before you go dropping your drawers, you gotta think about where your crazy ass is about to go. In the heat of the moment, we might be inspired to try doing it in the most nearby, available, and innovative spaces where two freaks can smush. But, unfortunately, some spots are just bad sex-tinations. We’ve compiled a list of 23 locales where you should keep your pants on, temporarily, until you can relocate. Let these be a warning to us all! Please, feel free to add on to the no-go list in the comments.

1. In a chair with wheels
2. On a pile of mechanical wires
3. Sandy beaches
4. Mel Gibson’s house
5. A river with cold water
6. Hammock
7. Stairs
8. Windowsill
9. Bathroom on a bus
10. Pitch-black room
11. Parent’s bedroom
12. The roof— humping on tar will make you feel like you’re getting sand-papered
13. The host’s bed or couch in the house you’re crashing at
14. Car parked in a friend and/or relative’s driveway
15. Splintery wood floors
16. The easily dented hood or trunk of a car
17. In front of a video camera with Ray J/Spencer Pratt/Rick Solomon
18. In a moving vehicle with the driver
19. On top of the hotel bedspread— a black light can show you exactly why
20. Glass-top table
21. The fire escape
22. A canoe
23. The Oval Office
24. The jacuzzi at the “Jersey Shore” house