Guys, things are bad — Mercury has been in retrograde since August 20 and our junk is all messed up. The sheer destructive power of Mercury’s seeming backwards motion can throw everything into a tizzy, especially in the communication department. Four times a year, when Mercury makes its reverse move (for a terminally long three-week period), it seems as though relationships spontaneously combust, fights happen at the drop of the hat, and your emails and phone calls stop making sense.
There’s good news though — Mercury is supposed to exit retrograde on September 12. We’re in the home stretch! And if you can make it through the next few days without murdering your boyfriend or alienating your best friend, you’re golden! That’s why we’ve created a handy list of things you can do to get through this crappy time. And tell us how has Mercury in retrograde been mucking up your life?
|Hide. Under your bed. In your closet. Or under the dining room table.|
|Branch out. Why not make friends with some hand puppets? They won’t talk back unless you make them, right?|
|Reconsider your pals. Hang out with your pets. Pets are warm, friendly, non-speaking buddies whose love and affection is based solely on how much kibble you feed them, not on whether you said something mean on their Facebook wall.|
|Sign off. Speaking of, stay off the Facebook. You’re just asking for your computer to implode.|
|Shut up. Take a vow of silence. Encourage your loved ones to try one, too. After all, everything you say will just be taken the wrong way anyway.|
|Get away. Surprise yourself with a solo vacation — maybe to a deserted island! After all, the best way to avoid social gaffes is to avoid everyone altogether. Now is just the time for a private retreat.|
|Tune out. Turn off the laptop and the cell phone — chances are if they haven’t broken already, they will any minute.|