Dear Wendy Updates: “Craigslist Caution” Responds

Hey, are you someone I’ve given advice to in the past? Do you have an update on your situation you’re willing to share? Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now. Sometimes people write to me with an idea of what they want to hear and when they don’t hear just that, well, they aren’t very happy … and sometimes they let me know it. Today we hear from Craigslist Caution, the woman who occasionally catches her husband perusing the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist when he’s feeling sexually rejected and is looking for new friends. Despite even catching him emailing someone from the site, she still wasn’t sure whether she should be worried or just chalk this up to “curiosity.” I told her there was definitely something to be worried about, but that was not the answer she wanted to hear and she had some choice words for me. Read ‘em and weep, after the jump.

Thanks for your advice … But it wasn’t as helpful as I thought it’d be. Sounds a bit judgmental to say the least. I’m not a person to throw problems under the rug. My husband and I have dated for eight years and have been married for three. In it, we’ve encountered and survived family problems, relationship problems, and have only continued to grow for the better. I trust him and his actions.

We are college sweethearts and with that comes change, learning, and growing. I hold a great job, own my own business, and am pretty much self-made. I don’t shy away from problems and from facing them. I know this is a “red” flag, but truth be told, I’m not going to let him perusing some ads for arousal ruin my marriage. I don’t hold rigorous standards for cheating. I know where his heart is and I know where mine is. And I trust him and that he is telling the truth. What reason would I have to lie if I knew otherwise?

He’s not perfect and neither am I. And our imperfections make us perfect. Unlike some people, I view these difficult opportunities as moments for growth and betterment. Not for judgment. Guess you don’t.

It’s one thing to give your opinion and advice about someone’s marriage when you aren’t asked; it’s another thing altogether when someone writes to you and asks, point blank, whether she should be worried. For the record, CC, I genuinely hope things work out for you. And I actually do see this situation as one you could grow from — together, even! — but you have to quit pretending there isn’t a real problem here. And the root of the problem isn’t even about potential cheating. It’s about your husband turning to strangers on the internet when he feels sexually and emotionally rejected by you instead of discussing with you what’s bothering him. This is about working on communication in your relationship and digging a little past the surface to find out what’s really going on. I hope you’ll put in the effort and I wish you both the best of luck.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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