“Bachelor Pad”: Who’s Doing What With Whom In Episode 4

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Last night’s episode of “Bachelor Pad” was all about pitting the women of the house against each other and making them feel like dog crap. First, the contestants were all asked to complete a survey about their fellow houseguests — who do they think is the most shallow, the biggest jerk, the dumbest, etc? Then for the rose competition, they had to publicly declare who they thought got the most votes per question from the house as a whole — not necessarily who they individually thought was, say, the dumbest, but who they thought the house thought was the dumbest. Let’s just say a lot of the women ended up in tears. That’s because the most insulting questions were clearly designed to target the women. Who has the worst boob job? Who is the dumbest? Who is the most shallow? Sure, the guys were eligible for those last two, but no one seemed to consider that maybe, uh, Jesse B. is a heck of a lot dimmer than, say, Gwen or Natalie. In the end, Tenley got the most answers correct among the women, and that big oaf Jesse B. got the most answers right among the men, though Kovacs decided to throw the competition on the last question — the boob job one — in favor of not hurting his sort-of-girlfriend Elizabeth’s feelings. She still cried.

This time, the winners got to pick one houseguest each for their date night. Tenley, of course, picked Kiptyn. They had a date that I think was probably very romantic, but also terribly boring, as both of them are soul-suckingly dull. Kiptyn confessed that he did have strong feelings for Tenley but he didn’t want the rest of the house to know how serious he was about her, lest it mess up both their games. They decided to “enjoy” the fantasy suite, but agreed to play down how well the date went with the rest of the house. Still, Tenley gave Kiptyn a rose, making him safe during the next rose ceremony.

Meanwhile, Jesse B. has decided to further his flirtation with Peyton by inviting her on his one-on-one date. However, despite their earlier connection and spit-swapping last week, and the fact that he gave her a rose before their date even really began, Jesse B. totally fouled things up by acting immature. He burped in front of Peyton and NO ONE burps in front of girls named Peyton! His immaturity made her feel like his sister and, as a result, she decided that they shouldn’t use the fantasy suite for any hanky panky. But with a rose in hand, she was still safe from elimination.

Back at the house, everyone else is scrambling to ensure their own safety since the house is shrinking fast. With both Kiptyn and Jesse B. safe, the girls have to choose to send home either Dave, Wes, or Kovacs. Dave seems safe in the eyes of the ladies, especially since many of the women are focused on getting rid of the couples and they’re unaware of his new “relationship” with Natalie. Wes and Kovacs are really on the chopping block, with Wes really encouraging the women to focus on getting rid of the couples — i.e., Kovacs and Elizabeth and Tenley and Kiptyn.

After her boob job is insulted by the house, Kovacs seems to have a change of heart about Elizabeth, saying seeing her hurt made him realize how much he cares about her. “Bachelor Pad” is really trying to endorse the notion that if you cry in front of a dude, he will love you more. So. Not. True. Anyway, Kovacs doesn’t care if he’s gone home because, like, being in the Pad has made him open up more, or something.

Dave, who realizes he’s in a pretty safe spot, is trying to go to bat for his boy Kovacs and is encouraging Krisily to vote off Wes. Wes, of course, is trying to convince her, Nikki, Gwen, and Peyton to vote off Kovacs. Meanwhile, the dudes (excluding Wes) are trying to decide whether to vote out Gwen or Krisily. Dave is working on getting Krisily to switch her vote from Kovacs to Wes, in exchange for making sure she doesn’t go home. Meanwhile, Kiptyn is hesitant to vote off Gwen because she’s never done anything to him. Kovacs and Dave agree to vote however Kiptyn does. So how did that turn out?

Well, Krisily, high off the fumes of her crush on Dave, did switch her vote and helped send Wes packing. Unfortunately, Kiptyn voted to keep Gwen, which meant Kovacs and Dave did too, so despite her going to bat for the dudes, the dudes failed her. She was pissed.

Next week: There are too many girls left, so Chris Harrison is going to send THREE home! Will the couples finally be broken up? Will Natalie and Dave’s romance be exposed? Will Kiptyn and Tenley finally do something interesting? Let’s hope!