Dear Wendy: “I Can’t Poop At My Boyfriend’s House!”

This weekend is an all “Shortcuts” weekend for Dear Wendy. For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today, we discuss pooping at the boyfriend’s place, flaky friends, disappearing boyfriends, and how to propose to a guy.

I can’t poop at my boyfriend’s house! I stay the weekends at his place, and every weekend it’s the same thing … I’m stopped up until the moment I cross the threshold of my home Monday morning. I can go at his house if he’s not home, but if he’s nearby it’s just not happening. I can go at work, if I feel I can do my business quickly and without interruption, and even in public restrooms so I’m not sure what my deal is. Even when I’ve gone out of state with my boyfriend to meet his family or on other vacations I have had this issue. I’ve read psychologically one may not be able to go if they feel unsafe, or it may be a sign of a trust issue; however, I don’t believe that’s the case. Can you please explain WHY this may occur and what I can do to go number two? — Shy Pooper

Oh, for crying out loud! Flush the toilet or run the shower to drown the noise, light a match when you’re finished, and be done with it already!

I’m marrying my fiance, who I’ve been with for eight years now, in a month and a half. We are having a very small wedding, with only about 25 people attending. Because we aren’t doing the norm, I asked my best friend to be my witness. She said yes, but since then, she has shown no interest in helping me do any planning that goes a long with our small wedding. She blew off my only dress-fitting for her boyfriend — whom I’ve only met twice in the two years they’ve been dating — and didn’t even tell me she wasn’t coming until three hours before I was scheduled to be at the bridal shop. The night before the wedding, all of my friends are staying in a hotel with me. My best friend said she didn’t know if she wanted to come. She even told me she didn’t plan on buying any special dress, just something from a thrift shop, and cheap (which is fine, but I would have liked to tell her that). She even told me that since we’re getting married on a Friday, she doesn’t know if she can come because she might have class or have to work. She’s known about this for over a year now! I finally asked her if she even wanted to be a part of my special day, and she said no, because I treat her “poorly.” My other friends that came to my only fitting missed a family reunion, time with their kids, and hours at work. Why couldn’t my best friend be there for one of the few things that I’m doing for my small wedding? — Hurt and Confused

Because, as she told you in so many words, she doesn’t really want to be your friend anymore. Luckily, it sounds like you have other wonderfully supportive friends — friends who were willing to miss “a family reunion, time with their kids, and hours at work” to watch you try on a dress. So focus your attention on them and be grateful for their presence and support during this exciting time in your life.

Back in April I met a great guy. He asked me to be his girlfriend almost immediately — even before our first date. I waited until our first date, which was amazing, to agree. Things were going so great for awhile. Then in May, I had to leave, putting us 500 miles apart for the summer. The long distance was rough on both of us. And before I knew it, he was contacting me less and less. When I asked him what was going on, he said he still really cared about me but was so broke he hadn’t been paying his phone or internet bills. I wouldn’t have believed him but he hasn’t gone on his social networking sites, which he often does. But it’s been a month now since I’ve talked to him. And now, I’m back home, and wondering when I’m going to hear from him. I really don’t feel a connection anymore. At all. I’m tempted to start dating other guys, but it doesn’t feel right if, technically speaking, I’m still committed to someone else. I have no way of contacting him. So what’s the right thing to do? Sit around and wait for him, start dating other guys, or something else? I’m beginning to feel trapped in a relationship I’m not sure I want anymore. — Trapped and Confused

If you haven’t heard from the guy in over a month, the fact is you aren’t in a relationship. Go out and date other guys and don’t waste another second on this weirdo.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four years now. We’re both in our mid-30s. I’ve been a widow since 2002. He’s divorced with two boys (six and eight) who we see every other weekend, holidays, etc. We’ve been living together for the last two years and everything is great. We’ve got a dog, the kids seem to love hanging out with us and we’re working on having a kid of our own to round it all out. We’ve been talking about getting hitched recently … . He’s an engineer by trade and I just don’t think he’s wired to getting me a ring and surprising me. (My late husband was a computer geek, so I’m used to the mindset.) So I’m thinking about proposing to him instead. I’m just stumped as to what to get him … a ring? I’ve heard of women popping the question to their guys, but I never heard what they exchanged as a token of their affection. You and your readers seem to be very good with advice/suggestions. Any help would be greatly appreciated! — Loving an E.E.

First, I just love your letter, and while I’m not convinced you really need a “token of affection” to propose to your boyfriend, a ring would certainly fit the bill as would a pair of beautiful cufflinks — maybe family heirlooms? — that he could wear on the wedding day. Readers, any other suggestions?

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