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10 Post-Rehab Life Plans For Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan has shaken off the last of her authoritative shackles, after being released from rehab on Tuesday. This newfound freedom means two things:

  1. We have to hang up our “Free Lindsay” T-shirts for the time being.
  2. Lindsay needs to figure out just what the heck she is going to do with her life.

She hasn’t had to wait long to be offered some exciting options. A radio station in Lohan’s hometown of Merrick, Long Island, has already promised her a million dollars if she will host a show with mom, Dina.

Well, we don’t have a million dollars, but we do have some kick-butt ideas that Lindsay might like better than being trapped in a tiny booth with her batty mother. Here are our suggestions for what Lindsay should do now:

  1. With all the not-so-nice press Lindsay has been getting, she needs to protect the few positive legacies she has. This means producing “Mean Girls 2” to make sure the glory of the original isn’t slaughtered.
  2. Starting a new life can begin with small changes—like losing the coke shoes and holding off on the fake baking for a while.
  3. Her human friends and family are constantly failing her, so it’s time to exchange them for some furry ones. She can open up a llama farm right next to Hayden Christensen’s sheep sanctuary. Baa.
  4. Lindsay’s design ventures haven’t been met with too much praise. Maybe she could change that by creating a prison-inspired Target line?
  5. We are all about Lilo helping others, so the rumor about her starting a chain of rehab facilities gets a thumbs-up from us. And it could mean free services for any future missteps. Just saying.
  6. Dina and Michael need to go. Their parenting is causing their daughter more grief than anything else. Lindsay should look into being adopted by a nice and normal Ohio family.
  7. Ever since Lohan’s breakup with Samantha Ronson, her life has been about angry tweets and falling down drunk. A LiLo and SamRo reconciliation could be what it takes to get Lindsay healthy again.
  8. She could put an end to rumors that she can’t act or sing by joining a Broadway musical. “Rent” is always looking for a new starlet to play wild child Mimi.
  9. Lindz should take the Angelina Jolie route and focus on helping others through charities and activism. Maybe she will land a Brad Pitt in the process?
  10. Maybe she should get out of the country and away from the prying paparazzi by finding herself in a kibbutz or hanging out with the penguins in Antarctica.

What do you think Lindsay should do next?

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