Tabloid Cheat Sheet: A Double Wedding For Britney And Jamie Lynn? Elin Woods Finally Speaks?!

It seems that things are finally picking up again in tabloid town — maybe they heard me complaining for the past few weeks? The biggest bomb to drop this week was that Elin Nordegren finally spoke to the tabloids, specially People, after about nine months of silence and she obviously had a lot to say. As if that wasn’t enough, there are weddings to plan, exes to put on blast, and former bosses to skewer too! And so that you don’t have to go through the hassle of reading 457 pages of tabloid trash (yeah, I counted), we’ve hand-picked just the really important stuff. You’re welcome!

  • Apparently, Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears decided it would be fun to marry their boyfriends Jason Trawick and Casey Aldridge in a massive double wedding. Apparently, Britney was half-joking but then got really excited and as we all know, “Britney is also just crazy enough to put the plans in motion.” And Jason and Britney are “on the verge of announcing their engagement” according to a source. Will the third time be the charm?
  • Kourtney Kardashian may have forgiven Scott Disick for his shortcomings, but his ex-girlfriend, Christina Blanco, apparently still has some beef that she wanted to share with OK!. Christina said of her first boyfriend, “He and his friends would bring girls home, sharing them and watching each other. They called themselves The Scummers.” Christina confirms that the reality star was angry, violent, and cheated on her—once getting caught when his phone accidentally picked up while he was having sex with a girl and telling her he could care less about his girlfriend.
  • There are some sneak peeks of Christina Hendricks modeling London Fog trench coats, as the company’s new spokesmodel for their fall campaign. Obviously, they are gorgeous. [OK!]

  • Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer respectably didn’t invite any tabloids to their wedding, but Us Weekly printed the grainy photos and wrote a cover story about it anyway. The couple married in Malibu, and Moyer celebrated the occasion by throwing on swim trunks and running into the ocean with his friends after the 20-minute ceremony. Friends and co-stars gushed about how they watched the couple fall in love and the tabloid talked about how they took things slowly, having breakfast together every day when “True Blood” put them up in the same hotel.
  • Some people were kind of pissed that MTV let “Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham lose $3,000 in an internet scam when she tried to sell her Dodge Neon online and was sent a fraudulent check. Farrah said of the expensive lesson, “I think it’s melded into me that I can’t do it all on my own.” Having recently moved out on her own after her mom was charged with domestic assault, and her baby daddy was killed in a car accident, now the 19-year-old has an overdrawn bank account and a baby to take care of on her own. Farrah says she’s trying to finish up her culinary management education so she can open her own Italian-Asian fusion restaurant while bonding with her daughter Sophia. Italian-Asian fusion? That sounds … odd.
  • Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have surprised everyone while remaining strong in their marriage after a 32-day courtship. Khloe said that when they’re apart, they do virtual communication, joking, “We do iChat… We iBone!” Khloe has apparently taken to “nesting,” cooking, decorating, and having romantic comedy movie nights in their home theater. The couple has already taken in Khloe’s brother Rob who has taken to Lamar like a brother, but the couple is excited to have kids. Odom said, “If she can take care of me, she can take care of a baby.” [Us Weekly]

  • The mother of Oprah’s longtime lover, Stedman Gragam, gave an interview to The National Enquirer shortly before her death, and revealed that the couple was never actually engaged. She says that Oprah had asked Stedman to cover for her and Gayle King since King was in the middle of a divorce. Stedman’s mom said that King and Oprah “had shared a bed” for years, but she still told her son that he had “let Oprah get away” and had hoped they would have children since she loved Oprah “like a daughter” even though she’d never met her.
  • John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s daughter, Frances Quinn, is allegedly a lonely child who “has no friends,” which doesn’t seem that strange for a 2-year-old. Apparently, Quinn has been asking about her older siblings, but according to a source, Elizabeth Edwards has said “while she’s still breathing, her kids will never meet Quinn.” Apparently, because Rielle is an outcast in their North Carolina neighborhood, she also keeps Quinn from interacting with other children because she’s afraid that they’ll make fun of her due to the “circumstances surrounding her birth.”
  • The Enquirer made a big deal about the fact that the formerly kidnapped Jaycee Dugard took her daughters camping and (gasp) slept in tents like she did for 18 years of her life. The family and a female friend and her daughter took the vacation in Northern California, hanging out in inflatable canoes and enjoying themselves. An eyewitness said, “It was surprising to see her daughters sleeping in tents, but it didn’t seem to be a problem for them… They were laughing and smiling. Jaycee is clearly a wonderful mother.” Too bad they can’t enjoy themselves without the tabloids mucking it up. [The National Enquirer]

  • For the first time since the Tiger Woods scandal broke out, Elin Woods has spoken up about it to People! Elin spoke of her heartbreak and how she never suspected Tiger of cheating. “It’s hard to think you have this life, and then all of a sudden—was it a lie?” Elin talked about how her children made her get through the pain and how she will never do another interview on the topic because she wants them to have their privacy and a normal life. She said there was never any violence in their home and absolutely no chasing Tiger down with a golf club. Elin is excited to find a new home for her and the kids, but admits, “I always believe the best of people, and when you do that, you’re going to be really screwed sometimes.” Honestly, it’s worth reading because after being through what Elin’s been through, she has a lot of insight into marriage and getting through divorce in the hardest of circumstances.
  • People did a round-up of some real-life “The Kids Are All Right” families, where lesbian couples navigate their relationships with the men who helped them become mothers. This included a best friend donor, who babysits for his daughter Olivia, but signed away parental rights so that the mother’s partner could adopt their daughter legally. There was another couple who used her brother as the donor since “I thought it would be nice for each of us to have a genetic link to the children.” And a third family used an anonymous donor and met him recently, discovering that he had also produced two other daughters to lesbian mothers.
  • Usher and his super cute sons Usher V and Naviyd Ely sat for a photoshoot and the recently divorced singer fretted over giving the boys sugarless gum to calm them down before saying, “I’m a dad, first and foremost, Of course I have to travel and make a living, but my sons are my priority… I never knew I could be so happy just hanging out with them.” Usher has been dating again, but takes it more seriously now and picks the ladies up in his Porsche, not the Mercedes with the car seats and “Cheerios, crackers and toys” on the floor. [People]

  • One of the best tabloid segments is always “Celebrity Assistants Tell All.” This time, the Kardashians’ former assistant claims that the girls are very superstitious and believe that “cutting your nails at night calls evil spirits” and “if you walk over a baby, it won’t grow.” Britney Spears’ former assistant says that Britney always talks in a baby voice and “eats like a 12-year-old on vacation! There are no vegetables in her house, and cake for dinner is not unusual.” John Travolta’s assistant spilled that the actor has “102 hairpieces in different lengths, colors and sizes—in case he gains or loses weight…they have their own refrigerated room at John’s home… he likes to go visit and pet them once in a while.” Angelina Jolie’s assistant says that the actress often speaks in foreign accents at home, even when it’s not for a role.
  • Betty White has shown no signs of slowing down. She will star in the upcoming movie “You Again,” as well as on the shows “Hot in Cleveland” and “Community” and she’s signed a deal to write two books, the first of which will be called Listen Up!. Betty says of her resurgence in popularity, “I can’t get over what’s going on with my life and my career, I’m an old broad!” Betty says she won’t do dope jokes and her celebrity crush is Robert Redford: “I’ve never met the man, but I just enjoy fantasizing about him completely!”
  • Lady Gaga is apparently ready to proposed to her bartender boyfriend Luc Carl and wants to have a lavish million-dollar wedding. A source says, “Gaga feels that her career is going incredibly well right now, so she wants to focus on her personal life, and that means marrying Luc. She wants them to be together forever this time.” Her dream wedding includes marrying in a castle in England while wearing a white-diamond-covered gown from Valentino or Jean Paul Gaultier with a “huge veil, a headpiece and tons of jewels.” Of course. [Star]