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The Ten Commandments Of Facebook

For all the negative things one can say about Facebook, it would be hard to deny how easy the social networking site makes it to keep in touch with people. But wouldn’t it be so much nicer if all those people had to abide by a few rules of etiquette? After the jump, my proposed list of 10 commandments every Facebook user should be forced to follow or else suffer an eternal afterlife of emoticons and fundraiser pleas from high school algebra partners.1. Thou shall not post or tag friends on embarrassing or incriminating photos.

This is what yearbooks or scrapbooks are for — things that exist on dusty shelves for a select few to enjoy and mock — not the internet, where potential employers and lovers can be scared away.

2. Thou shall not post photo or video updates of thy children’s potty training.

Just don’t. It’s gross, embarrassing, and demeaning to the kids. Plus, no one gives a rat’s ass.

3. Thou shall not use Facebook to converse with thine own significant other.

Say what you need to say in person, over the phone, on IM, or email. No one else cares or needs to follow your conversation or relationship drama/boasting.

4. Thou shall not endlessly self-promote.

A link to an article, TV appearance, or a newspaper mention every once in a blue moon is fine. A daily reminder that you need votes for the “Mad Men” walk-on part competition is just obnoxious.

5. Thou shall not propose, ask someone out, or dump anyone via wall messages or status updates.

What. Is. Wrong with people?

6. Thou shall not IM anyone you haven’t spoken to in over a decade.

Once, I was browsing on Facebook and got an IM from someone I hadn’t spoken to since high school. “How’s it going?” he said, “What’s new?”What’s new? Since 1993? Um, well, I got my driver’s license, for one thing. Don’t put people in a position where they have to: a) quickly sum up the last decade+ of their lives in four or five sentences, and b) act like they care about your life.

7. Thou shall not stalk exes and/or ex’s new loves.

Not only is it damaging to your own well-being, it’s, like, kinda psycho. So, just don’t. Go for a jog or join a book club or something.

8. Thou shall not use Facebook as a diet and workout diary.

Seriously, no one cares if you ate a salad for dinner last night and ran 3.1 miles before work this morning. Who are you trying to impress? Plus, go eat a muffin.

9. Thou shall not “spoil” TV shows in one’s status update.

Rudeness!

10. Thou shall post clear, updated photos of thyself.

Why else do you think people from your past are friending you in the first place?!

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