A Sports Bra That Works = Finally, I Could Jump For Joy

Scientists are finally working to remedy a problem that has plagued us big-chested ladies since we hit puberty: sports bras don’t really work for us. Most athletic bras have a shelf that is about as effective at holding the twins in place as a band-aid is on a gaping wound, and the bras with cups that do hold things together are painful, circulation-depriving contraptions that make it hard to breathe, let alone jog. Thank God that “breast biomechanics” — I know, awesome name, right? — at the University of Wollongong in Australia have developed a sports bra prototype that supposedly — gasp! — does its job …
The “a-ha” moment for this new bra came when the biomechanics were charting the trajectories of women’s bouncing breasts using infrared cameras. The conclusion was that boobs don’t just move up and down but in more of a figure-8 motion that includes side-to-side swaying. (I, um, could have told them that for free.) The new experimental bra doesn’t have cups but rather foam pads, which “elevate the low point of breast displacement dynamically.” Whatever, apparently these foam pads both lift and compress breasts in a way that greatly minimizes movement and is much more comfortable than those painful “encapsulated”-type jog bras.

Fellow D-cup-and-higher ladies, rejoice! This could mean we could work out without: 1) the attention of pervy boobs-obsessed voyeurs; 2) pain from bouncing; and 3) all that uncontrolled chest movement putting additional stress on our runner’s stride.

This news makes me want to jump for joy … wait, ouch! This bra is still in development, but will hopefully be on the market very soon. [New York Times and CNET]