Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Julia Roberts Is A Stoner? Kat Von D And Jesse James Made Out?

Maybe the summer heat has sweat out some of the lingering evil, because the tabloids were particularly tame in their accusations today. No one’s cheating. No tell-all books were published. Aside from weddings and the usual recirculating rumors, it was calm in Tabloid Town. Perhaps everyone is resting in preparation for next week’s Emmy issues? Or maybe the world is just getting a little nicer. Ha. Just kidding.

  • Hilary Duff’s wedding this Saturday to hockey player Mike Comrie made the cover of OK!. The ceremony took place at Michael Douglas’ ex-wife’s 1920s estate in Santa Barbara. The wedding party walked down the aisle to “Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles and “Pure Imagination” from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Hilary wore a gorgeous deconstructed blush tulle mermaid gown designed by Vera Wang.
  • Jimmy Fallon is getting ready to host the Emmys and talked to the tabloid about his preparations. “I licked all the Emmy trophies,” he said. When asked if he would try to get a peek at the winners, pre-show, Fallon said, “No way. Have you seen the Ernst & Young accountants? They look like nerds but they’re really like Navy SEALs. They’ll snap your neck without even blinking.”
  • One of the highlights of OK! is the weekly column “What I Ate Today,” where a nutritionist rates a random celebrity’s diet. Usually, it’s boring. But this week Ke$ha revealed that she ate nothing but green tea, almonds, candy, veggies with barbecue sauce, and tofu in an entire day—her total calorie intake was 579. The nutritionist has never been more flabbergasted. [OK!]

  • Apparently, to get famous, all you need to do is cheat with a famous man or become a pregnant teenager. “Teen Mom” stars Farrah Abraham, Amber Portwood, Maci Bookout and Catelynn Lowell talked to Us Weekly about their struggles raising babies when they’re still youngsters themselves. Of the four girls, only two are with the fathers of their baby. Abraham’s baby-daddy died in a car accident after they hadn’t talked in four months, and Lowell and her boyfriend put their daughter up for adoption but see her once a year. Maybe this show will teach teenagers that motherhood isn’t easy?
  • Apparently, Sandra Bullock “Can’t Escape Jesse,” who’s followed her to Austin and is moving into a $1.8 million house to be close to son Louis. Jame’s ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder, recently lost a court battle to keep Jesse from moving their daughter, as did his first wife, Karla. Meanwhile, of Jesse and Kat Von D’s alleged date, a witness claims they shared “a passionate kiss” at Bodies: The Exhibition. But having been to that exhibit, I can say there’s no way anyone could stomach a make-out session there.
  • Paris Hilton is allegedly fuming mad that Kim Kardashian is winning the popularity contest. The two were childhood friends and Kardashian worked as Hilton’s stylist once upon a time. Both girls rose to fame after sex tapes, but Kim has pulled in more cash and is more well-liked. A source says, “It’s 100 percent jealousy. Kim is not only doing what Paris did, she’s doing it better, and everybody loves her.” Paris also allegedly called up E! once, trying to get “Keeping up with the Kardashians” canceled. [Us Weekly]

  • The Enquirer has the inside scoop on “Julia Roberts’ Bizarre Double Life,” claiming that drugs and physical abuse runs in her family. A source says that Julia “used to smoke a lot of pot” and she would get stoned with husband Danny Moder and play Halo. Apparently, Julia’s childhood home was raided and cops found drugs inside a hollowed-out bible. Roberts’ brother, Eric, claims that their mother “beat the hell out” of him for years and friends claim that Julia shares a similar temperament and often takes it out on her relatives or Danny, most recently screaming and humiliating him after photographers tried to get a picture of them together.
  • New details are coming out from Kelsey Grammer’s bitter divorce and there’s talk that cheating on his wife with stewardess Kayte Walsh, who is now pregnant, might cost him close to $72 million. According to a close source, the couple wasn’t doing well already. “I know it sounds unbelievable, but he had sex less than 20 times in 13 years with Camille.” When Camille confronted Grammer, he denied the affair and told her to “grow up and get over it.” The source also claims that after years of sobriety, Grammer is back on the sauce but hides it “by drinking only vodka and other clear alcohol.”
  • Apparently, Dick Clark’s dying wish is for his protege Ryan Seacrest to get married. A source says the 80-year-old told Ryan that nothing matters more than having a wife and family. He wants to see Ryan settle down with his girlfriend Julianne Hough. A friend says, “It would mean the world to [Dick] if he could be at Ryan’s wedding.” [National Enquirer]

  • Sandra Bullock has been moving on with life, but it wasn’t until this week that she could finalize Louis’ adoption. She celebrated in New Orleans with her sister and friends. The adoption was four years in the making. All of Sandra’s friends say that she’s in love with motherhood. Her “Blind Side” co-star Quinton Aaron said, “She’s able to give all of that love to her kid. I’m really happy for her coming out from what she went through.” And on the Kat Von D rumors, a source confirms that she drove to Vegas with James and “they slept in the same room. They have been friends for years, but this is the first time they are both single.”
  • Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez are still blissfully in love and are already talking about wedding plans. Apparently, Ali wants Oreos in their wedding cake. (She says, “Oreos are a theme for us.”) She plans on walking down the aisle to Jack Johnson or Schuyler Fisk. They plan on honeymooning in Thailand and Ali claims she’s ready to walk down the aisle tomorrow. She says, “I feel like, ‘I gotta lock that down!'”
  • In preparing for the Emmys, nominated stars talked to People about how they’re preparing. “Glee” star Chris Colfer said, “I plan on making demands. I want some exotic animals in my trailer at all times. What’s endangered? I’d love a panda!” Meanwhile, “Modern Family”‘s Sofia Vergara says that now that she’s nominated, there are better dress options but a good fit is a priority. “If the boobs are not going to be in a good position all night, I don’t risk it. It’s torture.” [People]

  • Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt look suspiciously like wax figures on the cover of Star this week. The mag claims Angie is “Bored with Brad.” They say she “thrives on drama and control, and will do anything to keep herself entertained.” Sources say that Angie is fickle. “When Angelina gets tired of her relationship, she starts playing games and just moves on without a warning,” one says. But Angie doesn’t want to be seen as a monster for breaking up her family, so she will keep Brad around but “calls him stupid behind his back.”
  • After weeks of rumors about who Jennifer Aniston is dating, Star claims that she’s reconciled with John Mayer. The two supposedly saw each other recently when John flew her out to New York in a private jet. Jen didn’t want the meetup to go public, so apparently they got room service and wine in their Four Seasons hotel suite and John serenaded Jen on his guitar. A friend says, “No one’s seen Jen this happy in a while.”
  • Even though it’s only been about eight months since Kendra Wilkinson gave birth to her son with hubby Hank Baskett, she is bummed out that she hasn’t gotten back her pre-pregnancy body yet. She has announced that she will “100 percent have lipo after my second baby, because until then, I know I will never be satisfied looking in the mirror.” Ugh. [Star]