Now that Bravo’s axed Danielle Staub and her extreme eyebrows from the next season of “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” we feel like there are some big stilettos to fill. Who could bring the drama, extensions and persecution personality disorders the way Danielle and her merry band of crazy does?
We’ve dreamed up a variety of potential Danielle replacements for your consideration. Check them out after the jump and give us your own in the comments!
Grandma Wrinkles is an obvious choice. Though she hasn’t had quite as much plastic surgery as Danielle, she is one of the toughest pussies around.
|Kim G. and Kim D.
Though you know they’d HATE to come as a package deal, these two bleach-bottle blondes love the camera almost as much as they love back-stabbing bitchery.
Whitney was actually once a housewife who lived in New Jersey. Crack is whack, Whitney, but you know that Caroline Manzo isn’t.
New Jersey housewife Victoria Gotti has blonde extensions, Botox and an actual mafia pedigree. You can’t beat that. In other words, she’s perfect.
|A Stripper Pole
Danielle herself said that she feels that the strip club is “a comfort zone,” so why not bring in a stripper pole as a permanent replacement/plot point?
|Taylor Momsen’s Mom, Colette
Taylor Momsen’s Momager, Colette, dresses and acts just like her 16-year-old daughter. Which explains why her 16-year-old daughter dresses and acts so badly.
Speaking of terrible mothers, Lindsay’s mom is a classy orange act, with a bucket-load of family dramz and an equally atrocious and fame-whorey ex-husband. So clearly she’s perfect for the show.
|Ben Gibbard, of Death Cab for Cutie
Captain Emo Dude of the S.S. Sad Pants is whiny and mewling — just like Danielle! Sure, the other Housewives’ mean antics will probably make him cry, but that just makes for good television.
|Andre Leon Talley
Andre Leon Talley does not suffer the “dreckitude” of fools gladly, and he’ll definitely keep Teresa and the Manzo ladies on their toes. Besides, Theresa needs someone to help her spend all the money she doesn’t have.
|A Ficus Tree
True, a ficus tree doesn’t really talk or move or do much of anything at all, but perhaps that’s a good thing. Its status as an inanimate object means it won’t scream, punch or sue any of the other “RHONJ” cast members, making it 100 percent less of a liability than Danielle.