“Bachelor Pad”: Who’s Doing What With Whom In Episode 2

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Never underestimate the potential for someone to change your mind. That is the lesson I learned from last night’s “Bachelor Pad,” in which I finally came to love and root for The Weatherman.But first! The competition! The bachelors and bachelorettes are competing for a rose in a pie-eating contest. Only this pie-eating contest is the most pathetic one I have ever seen, as they each only have to eat ONE PIE. It’s like a pie-eating contest at an eating disorder clinic, I swear. Anyway, the guy and girl who eat their single measly pie the fastest win a rose and get to pick three others to take out on a date. The Weatherman, despite being the small fry of the Maxi Pad, wins his round, while Gia eeks out a win in the girls’ round. The Weatherman is thinking strategy with his date picks, choosing three women who don’t have solid connections in the house to take along with him — Gwen, Ashley, and Peyton. Gwen, however, is the one he’s crushing on and in the end he gives her the rose, making her safe for the next elimination. Gwen, as grateful as she is for the rose, declares that The Weatherman is not gettin’ any. Ever. Sigh. Poor dude. On Ali’s season he bugged me hard, but he’s really come into his own in the Pad — he’s dorky and a little awkward, but so well meaning. Poor Weatherman. The forecast indicates no hookups in his future.

Gia, meanwhile, is also thinking strategy with her date picks, bringing along douchey-haired Craig (who is probably next in line to get the boot), Jesse B. (who, remember, has been hooking up with Natalie), and Wes. The Pad is clearly split between the “insiders” — Natalie, Elisabeth, Jesse K., Wes, Kiptyn, and Tenley — and the “outsiders” — Krisily, Peyton, Gwen, Craig, and even The Weatherman — with some floaters like Gia and Jesse B. in between. In an effort to gain control of the house, the outsiders are encouraging Gia to give her date rose to Craig, because clearly the insiders want him out next. Meanwhile, Gia may have walked in the Maxi Pad with a boyfriend on the outside, but that is not stopping her from crushing on Wes, who has managed to fine-tune his evil bad boy persona (cultivated on Jillian’s season of “The Bachelorette”) into one that is even more wooing of women. Gia is falling prey to the most vicious of bad boy assaults, the one that allows her to think she sees the “real” him that no one understands. Bish, please. Wes is a douchebag with a guitar and probably 10 girlfriends at home. Anyway, Wes told Gia he loved her — in the most sleazy not “love” love sort of way — and that was all it took for her to toss out her strategy and give him the date rose over Craig (who she had already promised it to!).

With all the roses handed out, rendering Gia, Weatherman, Wes, and Gwen safe, the rest of the house is scrambling to save themselves from eviction. Jesse B., despite making spit babies on the regs with Natalie, is crushing on Gia and decides that being hooked up with Natalie is not the best idea for him strategy-wise, so it appears they are “off” for now. Meanwhile, Bordello Jessie is making spit babies of her own with Angry Dave, but Krisily thinks she’s a snake and is playing both sides and is just using Dave. The outsider girls are hoping to evict Kiptyn because of his close ties to the insiders, as well as his blossoming friendship with Tenley, also an insider. Oh and Elisabeth’s plan from last week to convince Jesse K. that being in a relationship with her is the best strategy is totally working — this beyatch is basically forcing him to be “in love” with her under the threat of the girls sending him packing and he’s just going along with it! Idiot.

Anyway, voting time! Gia’s f**k-up cost Craig, who was sent home in the girls’ vote, while Krisily was successful in getting the rest of the house to see Bordello Jessie’s two-timing ways. Will Wes help Gia to forgive herself for Craig’s eviction? Will Jesse K. ever realize that Elisabeth is a bunny boiler? And when, in God’s name, will Kiptyn and Tenley just kiss already?! Find out — hopefully — next week!

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