Dear Wendy: “I’m Moving In, But He Has A Bikini Poster In His Bedroom”

This weekend is an all “Shortcuts” weekend for Dear Wendy. For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss moving in with a guy who has a bikini poster in his bedroom, how long is too long to wait for someone, moving for love, and dating a liar.

In a few weeks I’m moving into my boyfriend’s house, and obviously I’m stoked. There’s one problem though, and I’m not sure how to approach it. On the inside of my boyfriend’s closet door, there’s a fairly large poster of a girl in a bikini. It’s not offensive — she’s dripping wet, wearing a skimpy two-piece, and just standing there. I know he had it there before we even started dating (two years ago), and since there’s really nothing explicit about it, I’ve never said anything. To me, it’s his house and it was his prerogative. But, seeing as that we’re soon to be sharing this space, and this closet, I’d prefer it to be gone. Am I within my relationship rights to make this request? — Moving In

Absolutely. If you ask him nicely and don’t make some big deal about it, I can’t imagine he’d be offended or wouldn’t comply.

I have known a guy for almost 16 years, during which time we’ve dated on and off. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but he says he doesn’t want a relationship right now. I recently had sex with him even though we aren’t together. I’m conflicted because I love him and I want to be with him, but he is sticking to his guns about not wanting a relationship right now. Am I wasting my time waiting for this guy? — Confused in Tennessee.

Yes. It seems you’ve wasted 16 years so far.

My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for seven months. We have never lived in the same state. He lives in NY and I live in CA. I finished my BS and have been working at a good job in a good company for 1.5 years. My boyfriend is graduating with a masters in computer science from NYU. He is trying to convince me that with his network and connections in NY it will be more beneficial for his career to stay there and ultimately more beneficial for our future. He also claims his network could help me in finding a job. I’m not convinced how strong of a reason this is to move to NY when right now he has nothing really to show me. His network is not giving any pay off or feasible benefit. Is there room for interpretation here or this a clear cut case of stubbornness. — Stay or Go?

I’ve answered a ton of “should I move for love?” questions, so let me direct you to this post I wrote a few months ago that may help you make your decision: 8 Questions to ask Yourself Before You Move For Love. Good luck!

In the beginning of my 10 month relationship with my boyfriend, he was texting his ex of 8 1/2 years every day, which I didn’t know about since he told me he only talked to her every couple of months. I began to notice the daily texts once he moved in, and when I brought it up, he got defensive and said he only lied about it because he knew how upset I’d be. He said they’re just friends and he was going to continue to be friends with her. I thought this much texting seemed a bit much to do with an ex if nothing is going on. Well, it continued and I said something again and he told me it seemed she was trying to get back together with him and that he would tell her to stop contacting him. The texting slowed down, but didn’t stop completely, so I sent her a message asking her to quit since he had asked her already. She said he never asked her that and that they talk and see each other at least once a week and if he has told me anything else he’s lying. She then goes on to tell me I must not be too bright because he sucks at lying. I have asked for his phone records and he just keeps showing me that it won’t let him in and then he forgets about setting up a new account. So, do I believe her? Is he still lying to me? — Unsure

Yes, he’s still lying to you.

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