How To Eat Sexy

You’re out on a date and you want to let him know you want to wrap your lips around him next, but how?! You’re leaning in, you’re giggling, you touched his arm (twice!) — now it’s time to go in for the kill. Dinner can be very seductive; it’s all in the sexy bite. Here’s how you can get him to eat your heart out! Or at least really happy to pick up the check.

  1. Small Bites Are Sexy. The smaller the bite the bigger your lips look. Also, there is nothing sexy about someone using a fork as a shovel.
  2. Menu. Finger foods like grapes, strawberries, chocolate, candy … or my personal fave food to watch a man eat, pizza, are good options because they bring another sensory element into play — touch. But foods that are greasy, saucy, or otherwise messy don’t work well for hand grabs. If you’re eating those kinds of foods, work it on a fork.
  3. The Look Of Love. Make eye contact. That way your sexytime partner will know you want him in your mouth like this here morsel of food. Give him at least a knowing glance. I like to give a good look at him, bite, and then another look. Beware of staring him down, especially if you’re not that dexterous with the eat-and-seduce maneuver.
  4. Take Your Sweet Time. Let the food linger on your lips. Don’t hold it there, be natural. But let the food going in your mouth have its sexy moment.
  5. A Bite To Eat. If you are bold enough to offer to share your food, definitely use utencils if you are in public and make sure that it isn’t a forkful of disaster. Do not set him up with a dripping, too hot, or a too big morsel. Do offer him the full flavor, sauce, condiments, etc. Also, don’t feed someone unless you are already comfortable with each other. It’s a terribly awkward “getting to know you” move.
  6. Hanky Panky. Keep a napkin handy, just in case. If you need to recover from a missed move, you can do it like a lady. Although, some people like the mess …
  7. Food For Thought. You don’t need a banana, lollipop or any other kind of food phallus to make it hot. And sometimes those items are a little too obvious. I would argue that regular, everyday food is better. It’s more of a surprise than the pressure of “I’m licking this to turn you on.” When it comes to eating seductively, it’s all you. You can make anything, including any food, sexy.
  8. Swallow. Make sure you chew and especially swallow. There’s a lot in the swallow; don’t try to hide it. No turtlenecks allowed.
  9. Bring In Da Noise, Bring In Da Funk. Do not slurp, burp, or make any other noise that is not sexy. Be careful, even when sipping your wine. The key is in #4 — take your sweet time.
  10. Yum, Yum, Gimme Some. Look like you’re enjoying it. Duh. Although, taking it to the whole “When Harry Met Sally” sandwich level is too far. Stay cool.