Dear Wendy Updates: “Ego Pumper” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Ego Pumper, who was dating a longtime friend who happened to be shy with women. She went on three dates with him, without so much as holding hands, and he refused to ever call her, saying, “he only talks to his mother and grandmother on the phone and he didn’t want to put a girlfriend in the same category as them.” The final straw came when he sent Ego Pumper a late-night drunken text, which infuriated her. I suggested maybe she overreacted to the text and perhaps she should either make a move on him, or accept that they aren’t a good match and move on. So, did she put the moves on him? Are they still together? Is he still sending her late-night drunken texts? Find out after the jump.

One of the reasons I wrote in is because I knew that you would be straight with me. While your advice was a little hard for me to swallow at first (the wounds were fresh and I really wanted things to work out), I did really appreciate it and I definitely took it to heart. I ended up having to clarify this in the comments, but the late night text that he sent me was not the first time this had happened and I’m 99 percent sure that he was never sober when he sent them. They started off as being really cute but the more it happened, the more irked I became. Enter the very blunt email where I basically said you either like me, or you don’t. Figure it out and get back to me.

Now for the update. After I sent you my question, I didn’t hear from him for two weeks after the email. I just assumed that you were right and that I had been too harsh. I also realized that you were right about him not being a great match for me. When he did finally contact me, it was via text to tell me that his grandmother had been admitted to the hospital that week. I’m actually a pretty big softy (I cry during shows like “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”) so, of course, I melted immediately and said he could call me if he needed someone to talk to about his grandmother. We had been friends before after all. Well he did call but his grandmother never came up except as the reason he disappeared for two weeks. I did the mental math and I pointed out that there was a whole week in between the day that I had returned from vacation and the time that his grandmother became sick. It occurred to me that he had used his grandmother’s illness as an excuse to get me to pick up the phone. He said that he had been busy with school that week. I emphasized that I was truly sorry that his grandmother had become ill (I’ve been there before, I know how it is) but that it really had no bearing on our situation. I said that one phone call, even a very short one, would have sufficed and that, in his silence, I had moved on thinking he wasn’t interested. He called me heartless. Maybe some people would agree with that assessment but I did what I thought was best and gave us both closure, or so I thought.

After that phone call, I received the occasional late night, drunken text from him. The texts become less pleading and more aggressive, baiting me to respond. Eventually the texts were verbally abusive. As much as I wanted to just ignore them, I refused to let myself be harassed. I told him that I had no interest in dating someone who harassed and insulted me. I deleted his number and blocked his Facebook account. I haven’t heard from him since.

As painful as some of it was, I’m glad that his true nature was revealed early on. He’s the kind of guy who wants things his way, when he wants them. When he doesn’t get it, he becomes angry and says hurtful things. There is no way that I wanted to be involved with someone like that. I always thought that he was just some shy, sweet guy with a self confidence issue. I guess I didn’t know him as well as I thought since he turned out to be verbally abusive and about one intervention away from alcoholism. Beware of the lion in sheep’s clothing.

Now I am dating someone new and I feel great about it. I think many of the commenters from the original post would be happy to know that I initiated the first date AND the first kiss. I feel like high-fiving Rosie the Riveter.

Thanks for the advice Wendy!

Wow, I guess you really dodged a bullet with that last guy! Glad you’ve moved on and that you were actually proactive in asking your new guy out and kissing him. Go, you!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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