Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Michelle Obama Jealous Of Oprah? Angelina Being Committed?

It seems like the tabloids are fishing out of the same barrel for stories this week. Besides a few original news stories, they seemed to share identical trending topics. I’m pretty sure that all these tabloids work out of the same office and just pick their spin out of a hat. Some day, I’m going to Veronica Mars the crap out of them and they’ll all be sorry. But until then, I guess I’ll continue reading them cover-to-cover and delivering you only the most pertinent of information. Enjoy your tabloid tidbits!

  • Until Prince William finally marries Kate Middleton, their romance will be tabloid fodder. Now Princess Diana’s butler Paul Burrell has given insider details to OK!. He says they’ll probably marry in July 2011 since the royal calendar is open and they’ll only announce the engagement 4 to 5 months prior. William won’t be giving Kate Diana’s engagement ring because Prince Harry inherited it, while William chose his mother’s watch. Diana called Burrell her “rock” during her time in the palace and he only had nice things to say about all of the royal family and Kate.
  • He hasn’t been in the news much lately, but Jon Gosselin is still part of his children and Kate Gosselin’s lives, though apparently not enough for the kids’ tastes. When he dropped them off this week, they freaked out and threw tantrums, not wanting him to leave. Jon’s quit the partying and an insider says the kids are much more relaxed with daddy, “because they know there won’t be cameras shoved in their faces … He’s trying to let them be normal.” Somehow he’s managed to come off as the nice guy again.
  • Jennifer Aniston has been promoting her new movie “The Switch” and not so subtly talking about how she wants kids, regardless of whether there’s a man in her life. Cue the baby speculation. Again. [OK!]

  • Us Weekly always does a “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” section, and this week it’s Alanis Morissette. She snuck in a doozy at number 25, saying, “I am pregnant!” The rumors had been swirling for months, but this was the first confirmation. She also mentioned that she’s writing a book that is “part psychology, part philosophy, part spirituality, part Q&A, part prose, part art … and is not a memoir.” And for the record, she’s got a “debilitating fear of moths.”
  • The tabloid went on and on about the tension between Kourtney Kardashian’s boyfriend, Scott Disick, and her sisters. But it didn’t get interesting until Bruce Jenner spoke about the family in general. Jenner says that Kim would be “tough to date” because she is “very smart, very career-oriented and certainly very pretty.” He continued, “It would be difficult to find a guy strong enough in his own right to handle a woman like her. Kimberly is just not sitting around taking orders from people. When she talks, I listen.” And of his son, Brody Jenner, and his girlfriend, Avril Lavigne, Bruce says, “Hair can grow back. He’ll be fine.”
  • Since they’ve moved in together, Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez are finding each other’s quirks. For Roberto, that includes making a mess in the kitchen so that “little ants get in the food.” And he says Ali “gets a little grumpy when she’s hungry.” Of their wedding plans, Ali says, “I’d like my family, a little place to dance and good music. Honestly, if we were in paper bags dancing around a bonfire, that would be perfect.” [Us Weekly]

  • The National Enquirer says Angelina Jolie is a mess over the Andrew Morton tell-all book and Brad Pitt doesn’t know what to do for her. An insider says that Angie is suicidal and considering going back to a psych ward, like she did in 2000. The source says, “She was at such a low ebb—her lowest ever—that she said she’d go if things got any worse.” Brad doesn’t get how she can be suicidal with “six beautiful kids” who she adores, but told her he would “do anything” to help her.
  • The Enquirer says Michelle Obama recently dropped nearly $500,000 on a shopping spree in Spain to get back at Barack for inviting Oprah to his 49th birthday party. An insider says, “Michelle decided to punish Barack, so she bought expensive clothing—not realizing how the public would react back home.” Meanwhile, Barack hates having Michelle angry at him, but knows that Oprah helped him immensely by endorsing him and he will need her on his side in the future.
  • It sounds like Julia Roberts might have taken the praying part of “Eat, Pray, Love” more seriously than the other activities. She’s decided to convert to Hinduism and wants to raise her children Hindu as well. A source says her Catholic husband Danny Moder is really upset and wants his kids to celebrate Christmas and say grace at dinner. “They are really at a crossroads in their relationship,” the source says. “Julia has erected a makeshift temple at her home where she burns incense, prays and runs her hands over a lamp. She chants in the Hindu tradition and repeats holy verses over and over. It drives Danny crazy!” [The National Enquirer]

  • Even People doesn’t think the Duggar Family should have another baby. After a recent appearance on the “Today” show, there were 3,000 messages urging the parents to stop, like the one from psychotherapist Jeanne Safer who said, “This seems like utterly obsessive behavior on the part of the parents … without regard to the impact on their family.” Even though mother Michelle Duggar nearly died from pregnancy-induced high blood pressure, she and Jim Bob still want more. Even though their newest baby Josie is still on breathing and heart-rate monitors, and 11 of their kids had chicken pox recently. Michelle admits in the article that she worries “there is not enough of us to go around,” but they’re willing to risk her life for another baby.
  • Beyonce and her mom Tina got together for a sweet interview, in time for their House of Dereon and Dereon fall collections to hit stores. Tina taught Beyonce how to sew and that “you don’t have to have a lot of money to have style.” But the ladies admit that some of the Destiny’s Child outfits were intense. Beyonce said, “We took risks. And some stuff I look at, and I’m like ‘Oooh, Lord!'” Beyonce’s “Brooklyn” tattoo was apparently drawn on for a Dereon advertisement, fyi. And when asked what Beyonce had taught her mom, Tina said, “She’s taught me that it’s not about falling, but it’s how you get up.” Aww.
  • The buzz for “Eat, Pray, Love” is huge, and Julia Roberts talked to People about the adventure of filming it. She says, “It was just magical.” Roberts gained seven pounds filming in Rome. For one scene, she actually ate six bowls of pasta in one day. Roberts said, “I don’t understand this obsession with not eating. I loved every pound!” The movie also proved Roberts’ star power, when they went to one Balinese temple where “nobody was ever allowed in, but the priest saw that it was Julia Roberts, and he was apparently a ‘Pretty Woman’ fan. He was like, ‘Okay, stay.'” [People]

  • While OK! talked about the royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton as if everything was peachy, Star thinks Kate was flirting with William’s best friend’s little brother, 22-year-old Charlie van Straubenzee, while William was playing polo. Polo player and former friend of Princess Di, Nicholas Davies said, “I’m sure Kate’s behavior was designed to remind William that other men find her gorgeous … She has been treated shabbily by the royal family and forced to hang around wondering what will happen next.” After the flirting didn’t work, Kate went on a three-week Caribbean vacation with her family to have some time to think, and when she returned, continued to distance herself from William.
  • While we’re on the topic of the royal sons, “Real Housewives of D.C.” British cast mate Catherine Ommanney spent a night canoodling with Prince Harry years ago. The two were spotted cuddling before sharing “a long and lovely kiss.” Catherine talked to local papers after the incident, saying, “We had a great time and a fun evening. I’ve committed no crime, and nor has he.” Catherine was separated from her husband at the time while Harry was 21 years old and had his on-again, off-again girlfriend Chelsy Davy. They reportedly texted after the incident, but the housewife never heard from him again when she sold the story. She says, “It was lovely to spend an evening with him—and to be kissed by a prince.”
  • Star has put in their two cents about the Duggar family as well, saying that the two oldest daughters are “trapped” raising their younger siblings. The tabloid says that while Michelle and Jim Bob care for their premature baby, daughters Jana (20) and Jill (19) have been left in charge of the remaining 15 children. When the parents went out to dinner recently, the girls reportedly served “pretzel sticks spritzed with vinegar” for dinner. The family’s motto is “JOY—Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last,” which has left the girls strung out while the older boys have the option of working at the family’s used car lot. Jana admitted, “For the past few months, I’ve really been struggling with attitudes toward different family members … I’ve asked the Lord to help me.” [Star]