Dear Wendy Updates: “Ben’s Girlfriend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Ben’s Girlfriend, who wrote to me way back in September just a few weeks after I started this column. Hers was one of the very first letters I posted and I was so new at this whole advice columnist thing, I hadn’t even started giving letter writers monikers yet, so it’s only now that I’m naming her “Ben’s Girlfriend.” Anyway, she wrote in because she was getting serious mixed messages from her “bestie,” Ben, whom she’d had an on-off romantic relationship with. On one hand, he took her on family vacations with him and told her she was beautiful, but on the other hand, he’d sleep with her in the same bed and not so much as kiss her. I told her I thought Ben might be gay and using her as a beard. This outraged many readers who said things like, “Oh, just because a guy doesn’t want to sleep with a girl, he must be gay?!” So … is Ben gay? Did his friend/girlfriend cut her losses and move on? Or, are they a real item now? Find out after the jump.

I wrote to you back in September about my super close guy friend who was driving me nuts with his mixed messages. It was utterly painful reading all the comments, though from an outside perspective, I would’ve said the same thing. (Let me clarify, however, I had been casually seeing other people throughout our friendship — not waiting around for “Ben.”) I took your advice and finally just had The Talk, feeling like it would finally bring about the end of the whole, confusing ordeal; turned out, he had the same feelings for me, but was, as I felt, too afraid to ruin our friendship to do anything about it. We finally both sucked it up and put our friendship on the line for each other with new, honest, communicative and open attitudes. And, far from being gay, he’s actually a champ in the sack–yeah! — Ben’s Girlfriend

Wonderful! Glad it all worked out and you’re enjoying what sounds like a promising relationship together. And while I’m pretty sure I know what you mean, I want to point out that gay men can be “champs in the sack,” too.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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