10 Things We Imagine Happened At Danielle Staub’s Strip Club Birthday Party

Last night, Danielle Staub of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” celebrated her 48th birthday at the plastic surgeon’s office Scores strip club in New York City. As Danielle’s maybe girlfriend, Lori Michaels, told Radar, “It’s her party and she’ll strip if she wants to.”

We haven’t heard any reports about what went down at the party, but in our dream world, here are 10 things we imagine happened.

  1. Everyone in the room conspired to get Danielle the same present—a copy of Cop Without A Badge.
  2. Danielle revealed a pinata shaped like Teresa.
  3. Danielle’s daughters got carded. She called the police to complain about the conspiracy.
  4. Everyone started calling Danielle by her new nickname, Biscuit Boobs.
  5. One by one, Danielle got mad at every guest for a stupid reason and told them they’re out, just like in Danielle Staub Land.
  6. The guy who’s allegedly shaking her down for money crashed.
  7. There was a birthday cake shaped like a bidet.
  8. Danielle talked about being too scarred from the sex tape scandal to ever feel sexual again—a minute before getting totally nakey for a pole dancing routine. That was no doubt broadcast on the interwebs.
  9. Danielle and Lori Michaels did a duet of “I Got You Babe.”
  10. There was a Botox booth in the back of the room.