I’ve always told my writer friends that they’re not allowed to write a memoir about their life until they’ve actually learned something from their mistakes. These kinds of things take time. A lot more than, say, 16 years. Which is precisely why Justin Bieber should not be writing a memoir. He hasn’t fallen into hard times or had to clean up a crack habit — heck, he’s not even old enough to drink yet. And still, HarperCollins plans on publishing his book. What? I like flophead well enough, but not only is he way too young to write a memoir, pretending celebrities are literate is taking jobs away from actual writers. Or at least taking recognition away, since he’ll probably need a ghostwriter anyway. I think this memoir can wait until Bieber’s star has fallen and he can reflect on the hoards of deranged fans and all the awesomeness that has passed him by. I don’t want to read about how content and excited people are; I want to learn about their human struggles.
But I don’t blame Bieber. I blame his agents who want to squeeze what they can from the kid with merchandising. Miley Cyrus penned her aptly named memoir, Miles to Go, when she was 15 years old and apparently it’s full of Bible verses and her ideas about morality. It’s just not a good plan to have anything you think when you’re a teenager exist permanently. Even Mary J. Blige believes that she’s too young to write a memoir, and she’s led a difficult life, overcome all sorts of obstacles, and has been in the music industry for 20 years—longer than these two have been alive! Can’t these kids just live in the moment and go have some experiences before trying to document them? [People]