Dear Wendy Updates: Married Man’s Girlfriend Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Married Man’s Girlfriend who had been dating a man for six months who was separated from his wife but still very entangled in a relationship with her and unwilling to move forward in filing for a divorce. She wondered if, after six months, it was too soon to ask him what was up with that. I told her it wasn’t too soon to have that conversation on the first date and if her guy couldn’t give a concrete answer as to why he hasn’t begun taking steps to legally separate from his wife, she should quit dating him until he is emotionally available for a new relationship. So, did she ever talk to him? Has he legally separated from his wife yet? Is the letter writer still with him? Find out after the jump.

I wrote you about dating a man who is separated from but still married to his wife and when it’s appropriate to talk about the situation. One thing I didn’t note before is that we are long distance, so it was hard to find a way to bring up the subject. After I took my grad school admission test, he and I went out to a pub for drinks. A legal issue came up, which ended up being a segue into a conversation about the marriage. I recommended again that he talk to an attorney, and he seemed more receptive, but he didn’t want to discuss the situation. We were supposed to take a trip this weekend, but he canceled, claiming he wanted to look at our relationship and determine if it was leading anywhere since we’ve been dating for six months.

I told that I really do like him, and enjoy our time together, but he needs to make a choice. So, we took “a break” for about a week so he could think about things. Finally, he let me know then that he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he wasn’t ready. While I respect his choice, I think it stinks that he had to take this long to figure it out, and I know from his continued communication (and expectation to be friends immediately) that he wasn’t into our relationship for a while. Honestly, I feel relieved. I wasn’t hurt or sad when he told me it was over; it just let me move forward with my life a little faster. Besides, I can’t sit around and be grumpy and still expect to meet new guys when I start law school!

Well, I’m sorry you didn’t get the answer you were maybe hoping for, but it must feel good to at least finally actually have an answer. In the future, I bet (hope) if you suspect a man isn’t emotionally available to you, you won’t wait so long to get confirmation on that before you move on.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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