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Dear Wendy: “My Booty Call Got Me Pregnant”

I have been (VERY) casually dating this guy since March. I met him at a bar and started to hang out every week or so — nothing too serious. I work all the damn time and I really don’t want a relationship, so this has been fun, plus the sex is really amazing. Anyway, I felt something was up with my body and I missed my period two weeks ago, so I decided to take a pregnancy test. I took two and both turned out positive. He’s the only person who could have gotten me pregnant. I’m going to get an abortion, no doubt. I know I’m going to call him and ask him to come over and tell him, but what if he freaks out? Or what if he’s against abortion? This talk is truly terrifying in my eyes. How do I approach him without scaring him? — Pregnant and Terrified

Honestly, scaring him shouldn’t be your concern right now. He’s as responsible for the pregnancy as you are so there’s no reason you should feel the need to sugar-coat the news or soften the shock. Tell him that your period was late, so you took two pregnancy tests and they both came back positive. Be very clear with him that he’s the only guy you’ve slept with in recent months, so there’s no doubt about who got you pregnant. Explain that you felt he deserved to know, but that it’s your body and you’ve already decided to get an abortion. If he supports your choice and you feel close enough to him, you might want to ask him to drive you to the appointment. Doing so could help both of you process the event and give you a chance to talk about whatever feelings might arise. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable with that idea, just let him know when you’ve scheduled your appointment and that you’ve asked a friend to take you and you’ll let him know how you’re doing afterward. He may volunteer to drive you or help pay for the procedure and it would be up to you to accept that offer if he does. The bottom line to remember is that you share in the responsibility, but your body alone carries the weight.

I’m a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding this September. She’s three years older than me and really skinny — probably half my size. I’ll admit, I’m the biggest I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve never had a weight problem until now. I gained 50 lbs. this last year despite creating better eating habits and starting to exercise more. My SIL thinks I have a thyroid problem, and I’ve made an appointment to get tested. I had told my sister this and she replied, “Well good, maybe you’ll be able to fit into your dress better.” I told her that I thought it fit just fine (it’s not like I’m going to be break-dancing in it!) and she said, “well, I’m just afraid of it ripping.” I replied that I was afraid of a serious condition and that that’s a little more important than a dress and she said, “I know your eating habits — you just eat too much.” I didn’t say anything at the time about it but the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I’ve only seen her a handful of times in the last three years and while I ate poorly and didn’t exercise when I was younger (and didn’t gain weight then), I eat healthy now and do yoga every day! Should I chalk it up to bridezillaness or should I say something? — Offended Bridesmaid

One thing that will forever be confusing to me is how people continue to embrace the insane idea that being a bride is somehow justification for thoughtless, rude, tacky, inappropriate, offensive behavior. You don’t check your manners and tact at the door the minute someone slips a ring on your finger. Your sister’s being a bitch, and her wedding is no excuse for her behavior. The only thing you can “chalk it up to” is a rude personality and the impression your sister got somewhere along the way that she can treat you like garbage and get away with it. If you don’t put your foot down now and stand up for yourself, she’s going to continue treating you this way, long after her wedding’s paid off. Call her up and tell her that you understand she’s stressed out with wedding plans, but that’s no excuse to treat you the way she did. Explain to her that you’re legitimately concerned about your health and that her dismissive words and tone really hurt your feelings. If she continues to make nasty remarks to you or says anything else about you “not fitting into your dress,” politely volunteer to bow out of the wedding party so she has one less thing on her list to worry about.

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