Dear Lady Gaga,
I am writing you as a concerned Little Monster who has survived the aftermath of my many dating mistakes in my late teens and 20s. I recently saw the disturbing pics of you and your on-again-off-again BF, Luc Carl, sucking face in a swimming pool. I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but I know that this fellow is bad news. How do I know? Well, for starters, I had an on-again-off-again long-haired boyfriend musician-type BF that I was obsessed with in my 20s, too. Many of us have had “that guy” in our lives, unfortunately.The sad truth is that Luc Carl and his kind are monsters. Big monsters. They are the kind of guys you will look back on and wish that you had never wasted your time with. They are the kind of guys who try to ride the coattails of beautiful, smart, successful women and often end up dragging them down in the process. I mean, the fake umlaut over the “u” in Luc just about says it all. He’s lame.
I read a quote you gave about Luc that concerned me. You said, “I’ve really never loved anyone like I loved him. Or like I love him … that relationship really shaped me … I sort of resolved that if you can’t have the guy of your dreams, there are other ways to give love.” That’s a great lesson that you got from your bad romance with Luc. Keep it close to your heart on your way to the very top. Often, we ladies feel like we need to revisit a relationship that we know is bad for us because we are hoping that it will end differently the second time. It won’t. Passion like that has its time and place. It is exciting and inspiring when you’re young, but not sustainable as an adult. When we mature we realize that there is no such thing as a “man of our dreams,” but there is such a thing as a “man who works in our life.” Look for that man (or woman) instead.
Listen to me, Gaga: you are a freaking superstar of unparalleled proportions. I realize that because your rise to fame has been so fast and furious that you may want to go back to something old and familiar to feel “normal” again. But you don’t need to. You can find better more productive ways to stay connected to your pre-fame self. And now might be a good time to mention that I don’t like what I’ve seen since he’s been back in your life. Remember your little episode at the Mets game? It’s not a good look on you. You have music to make and Little Monsters to inspire. Luc Carl is nothing but a distraction and a fame whore looking to promote his memoir or his DJ career or whatever. You deserve better. Way better. I hope you will consider what I have said and dump Luc “Umlaut” Carl’s ass before he makes a fool out of you.