Last night, my friend J. forwarded me an email that had been sent to a friend of hers from OkCupid. “We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid’s most attractive users,” the website wrote to J.’s pal. “The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you’d like to know. How can we say this with confidence? We’ve tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people’s reactions to you…” The reward for J.’s friend, now that he was one of the online dating site’s elite hotties? Easier access to the other elite hotties! “You will now see more attractive people in your match results,” OkCupid raved. Uh, OK, whatever. But how was J.’s friend to know that OkCupid wasn’t just sending this email to every single user as a marketing scheme? “And, no, we didn’t just send this email to everyone on OkCupid,” they assured. “Go ask an ugly friend and see.” Turns out J., also an OkCupid user, is an “ugly friend,” since she didn’t receive this oh-so-special surprise in her inbox. And apparently, so am I, because I didn’t get one either! Hey, OkCupid, bite me!