Dear Wendy: “I’ve Got The Hots For My Girlfriend’s Friends”
Wendy is on vacation, so we’ll be posting some of her more popular past Dear Wendy columns (that some of you may have missed!) to get you through the week.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year. I love her, for so many reasons, and she’s very attractive (intellectually and physically). For the first six months of dating, I couldn’t think of anybody but her, and if I did start to think of anyone else, I just shut that part of me down. As soon as the six-month mark hit, though, I found myself attracted to other girls. It wasn’t just physical attraction — I’m a guy, I imagine every attractive woman I see bouncing on the end of my d**k — but the kind of attraction that, were I not with my girlfriend, would make me try to pick these girls up. And I don’t know if it bothered me because I didn’t want to be attracted to anybody but her, or if I was bothered by the fact that I wanted to flirt with these other girls — almost all of whom are part of my girlfriend’s social circle. Well, I told my girlfriend and at first she reassured me that it was normal for people to be attracted to others, even if they’re in relationships (though she’s never told me about anyone she was attracted to; what’s up with that?). But now, a year into our relationship, she’s turned a bit into that “crazy/jealous girlfriend” stereotype. At social gatherings, I can’t help but want to be around these other girls, and my girlfriend glares at me occasionally, or joins in our conversations (not rudely, but she is there). I’m open and honest with her, and tell her who I like and why. And now she just cries. What am I supposed to do? Lie? —Horn Dog
I’m posting your letter not because I’ve got any advice for you — frankly, I think you’re pretty much screwed and probably aren’t mature enough yet for a real relationship anyway — but I’m posting this as a warning to other guys who may be reading this site. Men: if you don’t want your girlfriends to act “crazy” and “jealous,” for the love of all that is good and right in this world, don’t tell her you’ve got the hots for her friends. In fact, don’t tell her you’re hot for anyone except maybe some random beautiful movie star whom you’re not likely to ever meet in person. You see, Horn Dog, we know you’re attracted to other women. That’s a given. We’re attracted to other men, too. But these attractions — especially when they’re to our friends — should all go in the “do not discuss” file we share. Why? Well, for precisely the reason you’re learning now. We don’t want to think about you thinking about our friends naked — or worse, them bouncing on the end of your d**k. Gross! Of course we’d feel threatened if we knew you wanted to bone our friends and every time we all hang out you can’t stop flirting with them and you get annoyed when we join in on the conversation.
It’s kinda like this: you know there are tons of calories in a Starbucks espresso brownie, but you don’t want to think of the number when you’re eating one, right? You just want to enjoy your brownie in peace and not worry about the damage it’s doing to your diet. But then Starbucks had to go and post calorie counts next to all their treats — oh, the sick cruelty! — and suddenly a brownie isn’t just a brownie anymore — it’s 370 empty calories. Sure, the chocolatey goodness still tastes delish, but it’s simply not as satisfying as it once was. You eat it and all you can think of is “370, 370, 370″ blinking in your mind like a stopped alarm clock.
What I’m trying to say, Horn Dog — and every other guy out there who hasn’t learned this basic principle of dating yet — is: we don’t want to know your calorie count! Just like we know a brownie is loaded with stuff that’s bad for us, we know you’re only human and have the hots for other women. But we don’t need the details, OK? Let us enjoy this relationship in peace. Don’t force us to think about you thinking about boning our friends. If you can just keep that little secret between you and the end of your d**k, we won’t go all crazy and jealous on you. Deal? Deal.