I just finished reading what I found to be a heartwarming story written by Marina Khidekel in Marie Claire about a 30-something woman who decided to have a baby with her gay best friend and his boyfriend. After getting out of a bad marriage, followed by a relationship with a dude who didn’t want kids, Kitty Stillufsen, was ready to start a family … with or without a man. “By the time I was 33, I’d pretty much done everything on my to-do list—traveled, carved out a career, bought two homes, and had a lot of fun … I felt empowered and free. But I wanted a family. I knew I had too much love in my heart not to have a baby, and I believed it was important that the child have a great dad,” she says.
And then while she was shopping for lingerie with her gay besties Darren and Sam, Kitty had a revelation. “In a total I-love-you-guys moment, I blurted out, ‘You two would be the best dads! When are we going to have a baby together?’” She continues, “We all laughed. And then we stopped laughing.” The gayby (gay+baby) making was on. She goes on to talk about the logistics of the conception (they used a turkey baster—insert Jennifer Aniston rom-com joke here), the birth (everyone was in the room), co-parenting (it’s complicated), extended family (they help out a lot), and the outcome (everyone is more or less happy).
I can’t help but think this could be a viable option for single women and gay couples who want to become parents. With the right people, I could actually imagine this working in some sort of convoluted fashion. I think the most important thing is for a child to have consistent, strong parents—not necessarily married ones. Parenting is such a difficult endeavor and a magnanimous responsibility to begin with that part of me feels like it may be beneficial for all involved to share the load. Hmmm … maybe I should see what my gay best friend, Bob, and his boyfriend, Jason, think about this.
What do you think? Is this an option you would ever consider?