Thanks For Everything, Ex-Boyfriends!

It’s Get Along With Your Ex Week here at The Frisky. Though I possess deep, deep reserves of bitterness, I shall set that aside today for the good of the blogosphere. It’s time to be mature. It’s time to be forgiving. Even if you cheated on me, or blatantly flirted with bartenders in front of me, or wrote a gang rape scene in a novel inspired by our breakup, I still learned something from you. So here I go: after the jump, a totally serious, non-sarcastic thank you to all my exes.

  • Thank you, Marvin (yes, I dated someone named Marvin): Thank you for breaking me out of my “good girl” shell. I probably would have stayed one if I hadn’t fallen for such a charming deviant as yourself. My family was right that you were a bad influence on me, but you know what? It was a pleasure.
  • Thank you, Jeff: Thank you for making me feel so beautiful. I don’t know if I ever felt as pretty as I did when I was with you. You were really the joy of my life at the time. We dated right after 9/11 and right after my brother checked into rehab again and I want to thank you for taking some of the weight off.
  • Thank you, Marty: Thank you for being such a good boyfriend to me. I know you really loved me and you treated me so well. I’ve always felt guilty that I didn’t love you back the same way, because I know that really hurt you. But I want to thank you for showing me as much love as you did.
  • Thank you, Mike S.: First of all, thank you for driving from New Haven, Connecticut, to Brooklyn, New York, so many times. I still can’t believe you did that! We pulled off the long-distance relationship thing really well and it was all because you were willing to spend so much time in your car. But thank you, truly, for taking care of me when my anxiety gripped ahold of me during my senior year of college. I had my biggest and worst panic attack while watching a movie with you. I felt like such a freak! But you took great care of me and didn’t make me feel like something was wrong with me. I know I hurt you badly when I ended things between us, but I hope now you can understand that I had a lot on my plate.
  • Thank you, Mike H.: Thank you for showing me who I was by showing me who I was not. I wish there hadn’t been so much acrimony between us, but strangely, none of it has stuck. We were both just two hurt little kids and I suppose we needed each other as an outlet at the time. I’m sorry that I tried to be someone I was not just to make you happy; I wish you had realized I was doing that, so I didn’t have to learn by myself the hard way. Everything about you made me push myself harder, though, and forced me to have high expectations of myself. You are intense and inspirational; you hold a special place in my heart and you always will.
  • Thank you, Kevin. Oh, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. What was this girl who volunteered at the abortion clinic doing dating a Catholic guy who was thinking of joining the priesthood? Thank you for being so open-minded to date me and thank you for opening the spiritual side of me. I really like knowing there are people like you in the world.
  • Thank you, Phil: Thank you for being a friend to me when I needed it. It wasn’t even our relationship that was important to me; it was the friendship that came afterward. You were one of the only people I could talk to openly when depression made me sick and I never felt judged by you. Needing someone who cared about and accepted me was invaluable. I will always, always be grateful to you for that.
  • Thank you, Matt: Thank you for teaching me to be a little bit more blasé. I took life way too seriously when I was with you. And thanks for all the good food, too.

I actually feel good after having done that. It’s worth remembering that even if your exes hurt you, something brought you together in the first place and there’s likely something positive he or she did for you.

If you could thank you exes, what would you say?