An Ode To Zsa Zsa Gabor
After falling and breaking her hip on Saturday night, the amazing Zsa Zsa Gabor underwent a three-and-a-half-hour hip surgery this morning. The 93-year-old actress was watching “Jeopardy” and fell out of bed while reaching for the phone. The surgery was reportedly successful and Zsa Zsa is currently in recovery. Her publicist said, “She has an active mind. She’s very bright. She’s funny. She always makes me laugh whenever I talk to her … Her body’s failing her.”
She’s got an active mind, all right. Zsa Zsa brings more collective sass and class to the table than anyone. After the jump, all the reasons we love you, Zsa Zsa. You must’ve known you were destined for something grand when you left the much-too-innocent name Sari behind and dubbed yourself Zsa Zsa. And eight husbands agreed that you were something special. As you’ve said, “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.” While you haven’t taught us much about acting, your wisdom on the topic of men is un-paralleled. You taught us about manliness (“Macho does not prove mucho”), love (“One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears”), marriage (“Husbands are like fires—they go out when unattended”), and divorce (“You never really know a man until you have divorced him”). And with all this wisdom, you taught us to never give up on love, because there’s always time for another romance.
You’ve taught us about opportunity. How many women can make an arrest and 72-hour jail sentence for slapping a cop into five movie and television appearances? You make modern socialites look like cry baby amateurs. While they’re getting smacked down by the law, you smacked the law back … and then re-lived the hilarity on “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” “The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear,” “A Very Brady Sequel,” and “The Beverly Hillbillies.” Who knew that bitch-slapping cops would only increase your bank-ability?
Most importantly, you taught us about maintaining a sense of humor and laughing at ourselves. While you didn’t have the easiest of lives, you certainly had some of the best things to say about it. And when people laughed at you, you laughed the heartiest.
We don’t even mind if you call us “darling” because you can’t remember our names. Because everything sounds so much nicer in your sweet Hungarian accent. We know that you won’t live forever, despite your staying power and chutzpah, so Zsa Zsa, we love you and thank you for everything you’ve taught us. Feel better soon!