If you’re thinking about being friends with your ex, think again. Really. Consider it. You had one thing, and that ended. Sometimes, the ending isn’t very pretty is it? In certain cases, people can leave the past behind, but all too often folks are tempted to be friendly with those whose heart they broke or vice versa. Whether the demise of your romantic relationship was mutual or abrupt, you’ve got to be clear on one thing. There are signs that suggest you may never get along, and you’ve got to heed them so you don’t head into yet another crash. He’s Your EX. “Ex.” What does that mean to you? Does it mean “now”? Does it mean “for keeps”? Does it indicate that someone or something should be in your life? No. “Ex” is for “excommunicate,” and that’s what you should do with your ex. You didn’t get along. So get over it and get on with someone else. Anything else is too complicated.
He’s Still in Love with You. If you dumped the dude, and you’re no longer in love with him, but you have this vague, sneaking suspicion that he’s still got feelings for you, this sort of unspoken, subterranean sexual tension, even if it’s only a one-way street, will end up sabotaging you, your other relationships, and his ability to move on. If you let him go, it’s like an act of loving mercy. He may disagree.
You’re Still in Love with Him. If you hold a shred of hope that he’ll change, that he’ll decide that he really does want to get married, that one day he may find himself able to commit to you totally (just like Mr. Big!), you’re only prolonging your pain. How can you be “friends” with someone you secretly hope for more with? If he does change, he’ll come and find you, but don’t hold your breath.
The Two of You Never Really Got Along Anyway. It’s weird. To really be with someone totally, you have to be their best friend and their lover. But how many couples do you know where it’s all love, sex, and passion, and yet they can’t seem to communicate, connect, or get emotionally intimate with one another? If you couldn’t deal with each other as BFFs in your relationship, you’ll never make it as buddies when the sex is gone.
He Owes You Money. If you’re going to enter a different kind of relationship together, you’ve got to start with a clean state. If he owes you money, never did that thing for you that he swore he would, or in some other way has a debt that has yet to have been repaid to you, the muddle of your romantic relationship will carry over into whatever you have together afterward. Cut your losses and say adios.
One of You Cheated. Just forget it. I mean, really? Not a chance.
He’s a Jerk. It’s great that some awesome people can stay friends with their exes, but the fact of the matter is that sometimes someone did something crappy, and that’s why you broke up. Whatever he was like in the relationship is going to dictate how he is in this friendship of yours, and if he wasn’t a stand-up guy when you guys were together, you really can’t expect him to be a stand-up guy after you stop bumping uglies.