Dear Wendy: “I Want To Skip My BFF’s Wedding”
My best friend in the whole wide world has been away for about two years, and now she’s back and in love with a guy from her childhood and getting hitched. I barely know the guy, but I don’t have a good feeling about him, and worse, she “changes” for him. Meaning her values may have changed as a result of his influence. I’m uncomfortable with the whole thing because I feel like she’s rushing into it. She’s never lived with the guy, and they’ve only been dating long-distance for six months or so. I’m finding it difficult to be genuinely happy for her, and what’s worse, I feel super guilty about it. Correct that: I AM happy for her, but I still need some time to get used to the idea. But I don’t have time: the wedding is set for October, and she’s assuming I’ll be in it. Already, I feel overwhelmed. I thought the wedding would be at least a year away; in fact, she assured me it would. The fact that I just found out that the wedding going to be alcohol free is making things worse. Yikes. How am I going to get through it? Is there any way I can get out of it without destroying our friendship? Moreover, am I a bad friend for not acting thrilled about the whole thing and jumping in head first to support her? We’re like sisters, and now I just feel terrible. — Losing Sleep in LIC
Your “best friend in the whole wide world” is happily engaged and you want to “get out of” being in the wedding because it’s going to be alcohol-free and you have a “bad feeling” about this guy you barely know? In fact, the only less than favorable thing you can find to say about him — at least in this letter — is that he’s had an influence on your friend’s values? Hmm … his “influence” might not have anything to do with this wedding being booze-free, could it?
I suspect what’s really got your panties in a bunch is the fact that your friend’s been away for two years and just when you thought you’d have a chance to reconnect with her, she’s gone and gotten engaged. Sorry, LS, but you sound like a jealous friend who can’t handle someone — or something — else being the focus of your BFF’s world right now. Grow up! Your friend sounds happy and unless you have some legitimate reason to fear for her emotional or physical well-being in marrying this guy, you need to suck it up and support your friend through this exciting time. If you can’t at the very least fake some happiness for her and be there for her on her wedding day — no matter how “overwhelmed” it makes you feel to have only three months to “get used to the idea” — you’re going to sorely regret it later. Because, no, LS, there isn’t any way you can get out of going to your BFF’s wedding without destroying your friendship, and trust me here, a little jealousy is a terrible reason to turn your back on a friend.
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