Dear Wendy: “My Fiancé Always Wants Threesomes”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts,” wherein I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less. Sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss manipulative men (the first letter is a doozy, my friends), living under parents’ rules, and one-night stands.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years. We bonded at first over many similar interests, our abusive childhoods, and our misfortune with finding love. Eventually he confessed he loved me. However, as our relationship progressed, he became so emotional and demanding. I felt like a babysitter, counselor, and personal toy. Despite the feeling, I was always there to visit him, help him, and nurse him when he was sick. One day he told me I was emotionally cold towards him and he wanted to sleep with a close female friend of his. Eventually we fixed things and years later he bought me a diamond and said he wanted to marry me. I feel a bit sad though when he pesters me for threesomes, and tells me sexual fantasies about that close female friend. And when all three of us hang out, he becomes hyper-needy to a point where even the close female friend advises that we should BOTH “ignore him.” When we are alone he likes to focus on himself and sex, coaxing me with ‘I love you, babe’ and never my name. I don’t care much for sex, because of my past. (I don’t even believe in ‘making love.’) But I feel so emotionally lonely, second-place, and foolish to open my heart to him. It’s as if I was out-played by a fool and never noticed it. I know I should talk to him about it. But I’m too afraid to confront him at the moment because he’s going through a hard time right now. I just feel like scoffing whenever someone calls him nice. I don’t know what to do anymore or what I mean to him. And I hate this ring! — Over It

What the what? Oh, girl, give the ring back, walk away and get yourself in therapy STAT.

I’ve been hanging around this very cool lady everyday for basically three months. I would take her to the movies and buy her flowers, do everything for this beautiful lady. I have expressed how much I really like her. Then I asked if she liked me back and she stated, “yes I like you but I need to have this feeling mature enough to start dating you.” So I waited about a week and a half and found out she now thinks of me as her best friend. Now, people are telling me to move on because I am only her best friend. Now the problem I am running into is I am falling for her. I do not want to move on since she is what I really want. So my question is: how do I move out of the best friend situation and start having her like me romantically? — BFF to BF, Please

Not gonna happen, dude. Move on already.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and there is one re-occurring issue: I live at home with my parents. We are a traditional family so everything from him sleeping over to him spending a lot of time with my family are always issues. We both feel that I am not free to do my own thing and it is putting a damper on our relationship. It’s the smartest decision for me to live at home but I think he’s getting really frustrated with the fact that I’m not able to make my own decisions. I accept that I live with my parents and have to respect their rules, but I’m 22, and I see other people my age having freedom and independence. I love my parents and they’re very supportive, but my boyfriend feels like our relationship is put under the microscope since they know what’s going on all the time. I’m dealing with it but he isn’t very well. What’s the solution here? — Under the Microscope

If your parents’ rules are putting a damper on your relationship, it’s probably time to move out and get a place of you own. If you simply can’t afford it — even with a roommate or two — you’re going to have to accept that living at home involves trade-offs, and losing a boyfriend who can’t deal with parents always up in his business is potentially one of them.

The other night was my roommate’s 21st birthday, and while I’m not living in the same city this summer, I went to visit for her big celebration. A large group of us went out and I ended up hooking up with one of her guys friends. I had met and hung out with him on a few other occasions but never expected it to go as far as it did. We had a great night and although it was the only time I’ve ever done something like this, I knew enough to not go crazy over it. I’ve even read the Frisky’s “10 Things We’ve Learned About Men From Having One-Night Stands,” but I still have to ask about this: In addition to staying all night and cuddling all morning, we also had sober, morning sex where he told me he was “glad we ‘re-met’.” Does this make any sort of difference? How can I find out without being the creepy girl who adds him on Facebook or by getting his number through a friend? — One Night Lady

I don’t know what’s so creepy about getting his number, but if you’re really that self-conscious about it, tell your mutual friend to pass your number along to him. If he’s interested, he’ll give you a call.

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*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at {encode=”dearwendy@thefrisky.com” title=”dearwendy@thefrisky.com”}.

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