Dear Wendy Updates: Newly Single Responds

In a new(ish) feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Newly Single, a woman who had just met a man in an open relationship after ending things with a long-term boyfriend. His situation appealed to her on one hand because she wasn’t looking to jump into anything serious so soon, but she also worried about potentially falling for him and getting tangled up in a messy love triangle. Find out after the jump whether she pursued the guy in the open relationship and how she’s doing today.

I wrote in February, when I was still going through a breakup, about a guy I liked who was in an open relationship. Unlike some of the commenters assumed, this guy was definitely not a dirtbag who was just claiming to be in an open relationship while using me for sex — he was very honest from the beginning about his situation, and I even met his girlfriend. I took your advice to heart and decided if I wanted to keep seeing him, I needed to make sure I kept in mind that this was just a friends with benefits situation and not develop feelings for him … but then, things got a little more complicated.

I found out that even though he and his girlfriend had been in an open relationship for about a year, I was the only girl he had so much as kissed outside of the relationship. I also found out that she was the one who suggested the open relationship and it was because neither of them were happy in the relationship anymore but didn’t have the heart to break up with each other. He also started referring to his girlfriend as his “roommate” and would sometimes refer to me and him as a couple. I quickly decided that this was not the kind of situation I wanted to involve myself in. Even though I really really liked him, I didn’t want to be responsible for the demise of a four-year relationship, and if he didn’t seem fully comfortable with his relationship, I couldn’t be comfortable, either.

I broke things off with him, but now, five months later, he still sometimes texts me and tells me he misses me or asks me to hang out. He truly is a good guy, but I don’t think he’ll ever have the strength to say goodbye to his failing relationship. I’m glad I took your advice and didn’t become too emotionally involved in the situation, because with so many conflicting feelings going around, that was definitely headed toward disaster. If I ever consider hooking up with a guy in an open relationship in the future, it will definitely have to be a completely figured out and well-established situation, and I will never go into it looking for anything more than a no-strings-attached lay.

I’m glad Newly Single went into the situation with open eyes and got out before she got hurt. Now, if only the other two parties could have the good sense to move on…

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”” title=””} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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