Sex With Steph: How Do I Use Sex Toys With My Boyfriend?

Hi Steph! I just started dating a guy like a month ago. One night in bed he mentioned that he would be open to using sex toys. I love my toys as much as the next girl, but I’m afraid my rabbit would be intimidating since it is bigger than he is. I have never been with a guy who was open to using sex toys during sex…so I am in uncharted territory here. Any thoughts or advice? – SexToyClueless

First of all, kudos to him for being so open-minded! I love it when my husband reaches for the naughty drawer. It shows that he’s aware of the many ways in which I like to be revved up and — more than that — it shows that he has my pleasure in mind. Looks like you have a keeper … at least when it comes to the bedroom.

Regarding your fears about threatening his masculinity, I wouldn’t worry too much. Considering the fact that he brought it up on his own, I’m inclined to believe that he doesn’t harbor any doubts about his sexual prowess, or his ability to make you scream. Rather, it appears as if he’s merely looking for one more tool to place in his sexy-time toolbox. And why not? Using toys during couple sex can certainly enhance your sex play, and is a great way to mix things up.

Still, why not use this as an opportunity to pick up some toys that are all about the two of you? Perhaps you want to keep that rabbit’s incredible triple action (swiveling head … tumbling pearls … strong vibes … God, I love those rabbit ears) all to yourself.

My first suggestion would be a vibrating c**k ring. Designed just for couple sex, this small, wearable toy does double duty. Worn around the penis and/or the balls, this typically flexible ring is meant to prolong a man’s erection, and delay his orgasm, thereby intensifying his pleasure. At the same time, the vibrations work to stimulate your clitoris during penetration, a bonus for those who can’t orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone (a not-uncommon occurrence). Plus — double bonus! — this small, subtle ring looks nothing like the male member, so you can cast your worries about intimidation aside.

Another option? Vibrators such as the We-Vibe can be worn by you during intercourse, while still leaving room for his penis. One end sits inside you, seeking out your g-spot, while the other end sits on the outside, pressing against your clitoris. It vibrates as well, guaranteeing a plethora of simultaneous, pleasurable sensations. Fun!

And the list goes on. Remote control, wearable vibrators — such as vibrating panties — give him complete control, and also allow for experimentation with some discreet sex play … in public. The thrill of possibly getting caught? Priceless, if you’re into that sort of thing (cough-cough). Or go slow and sensual, and pick up some scented massage candles. They’re perfect for foreplay, and smell so yummy! Plus, some scents can act as an aphrodisiac. Want to play around with control? Splurge on a nice pair of comfy, leather handcuffs, or pick up some under-the-bed restraints, which can be stretched out beneath your mattress. They’re a great option if you don’t have a headboard you can tie yourself to.

In the end, it’s all about what appeals to the two of you. Make a date of your sex toy search. Visit your local sex shop together, or park yourselves in front of the computer and browse an online shop, like Babeland or Jimmyjane. Talk about the toys that intrigue you the most, make a purchase or two, and then enjoy that I-can’t-wait-till-we-get-this-home anticipation.

Most of all, have fun with it. Even if you do end up using that wily rabbit of yours.

Got a question for “Sex with Steph” sex advisor Steph Auteri? Send her an email with your pressing sex questions!