Dear Wendy Updates: “Friend Not Foe” Responds

In a new(ish) feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Friend Not Foe” whose longtime male friend moved away but kept in touch with her via phone calls and texts. One night, out of the blue, he texted her his deepest romantic feelings for her, to which she responded “LOL.” Not surprisingly, the friend went MIA soon after that and the letter writer wondered whether she should try to mend the friendship or just leave him alone. Find out what she decided to do after the jump.

After reading your advice to my “LOL” letter, I felt a lot better knowing that someone agreed that this whole situation was absurd and that I was somewhat justified in my reaction. With your advice at hand, I was determined to call him the next day to talk things out. Like you said, the ball was in my court and I certainly didn’t want our friendship to end on such a sour note. The next day I checked back on The Frisky to see if anyone had posted advice that may be helpful before calling him. After reading the comments, I quickly put the phone back. I’ll admit that I was a bit surprised to see such a strong opposition against me trying to fix things with this guy, especially from the male commenters. Although it was a hard pill to swallow, everything the commenters wrote were things I needed to hear and I can’t thank them enough for their less than sympathetic advice. So I decided that keeping my distance would probably be the best thing until he was ready to just be friends, if ever. The least I could do after being such a bad friend was to let things happen on his time. Now that seven months have passed since the sending of that “LOL” text, I realized that the commenters were right in saying that contacting him would have been the most selfish thing to do.

At the time, all I thought about was how to come out of this mess unscathed while somehow convincing him to stay in the friend zone. Like I said in my letter, he moved pretty far away but we have a lot of friends in common which makes things pretty complicated in the sense that we can’t get away from each other even if we don’t have direct contact anymore. According to friends, he has been dating a new girl for a few months now, which is fantastic. However, they also say he still asks about me rather often which doesn’t really help the situation. It’s a little sad knowing that after over half a year, we’re still not at that place where we can be friends again, but I’m sticking to the commenters’ advice and will continue to keep my distance and patience. The biggest challenge will occur two weeks from now. He’ll be back in town for our really good friend’s wedding, which will be the first time that he and I are in the same vicinity since this all started. There’s pretty much no chance that I can avoid him at this small wedding, so let’s hope the absence didn’t make any hearts grow fonder. Strangely, I’m kind of glad this happened because now I really do want to be his friend, and a true friend at that, for the right reasons, not just so I can make myself feel better.

P.S. I didn’t completely disregard your advice … I am proud to say that I have managed to officially kick ‘LOL’ out of my texting vocabulary!

Well, now we’re going to need an update on what happens at the wedding!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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