Dear Wendy Updates: “On The Fence” And “China Bound” Respond

In a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from On The Fence, who said that little things about her new boyfriend, like his chin and video game habit, might be a dealbreaker. We also hear from China Bound, who had recently started dating two guys, one she liked more as a FWB, and the other whom she could imagine falling in love with. The problem was she was about to move to China and didn’t know whether to break up with both of them or choose one to keep dating, and if so, which one. After the jump, find out what she, as well as On the Fence, chose to do.

I wrote in a few months ago regarding a new guy I was dating. He was funny and smart, so generous and cared about me, but I found myself with small nagging features about him that left me worried if he was a potential boyfriend. Stupid things (including his chin) kept popping up. After a month, I realized that these nagging things didn’t really go away, and bigger problems started to arrive (he would make jokes about sensitive topics for me, he drank way more than I did). We parted ways, and a week later, a boy who sat behind me in a lecture class admitted he’d been interested all semester. We’ve been dating for almost two months and I have no reservations about him! Thanks for your advice and the comments left by readers! — (Previously) On the Fence

Maybe the lesson here is if there are little things nagging you about someone, that’s usually a sign there are bigger things bothering you that you haven’t yet articulated. Glad you didn’t waste too much time figuring out what those were and that you’re with a better match now. Thanks for the update!

In November, I wrote about my upcoming move to China and my issue regarding the two guys I was seeing. First, I should say I moved to China. I couldn’t not. I was offered a wonderful job in Shanghai and it’s an experience like nothing I could have ever imagined and I don’t regret it for a second. That being said, I tried talking to both guys. I eventually understood what you were saying about all of it and ended things with Devin and, well, attempted to make it work with Andrew. Unfortunately, as most of us probably know, long distance relationships are hard. Really, really hard. I eventually found that although we had decided to try, that it was too hard on him as he had no way of knowing if I would ever come back, so he chose to start seeing other women. Honestly, I’m not surprised things worked out this way, but it’s fine and I’m living my dream out here. Thank you so much for answering my letter when I sent it. It was really wonderful to hear an outside perspective, from both you and other Friskyers. — China Bound

Good for you for following your dream! And kudos for at least giving things a shot with Andrew. Most people regret what they didn’t do much more than what they did. And who knows what the future might hold; maybe you’ll find the love of your life in China … or maybe you’ll reconnect with Andrew one day. Anything is possible. Have a great time in Shanghai — what an exciting adventure!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

Follow me on Twitter and get relationship tips and updates on new Dear Wendy columns!