Our buddies at Ask Men wrote a list of “8 Things Women Are Insecure About,” like “You just want to sleep with her” or “You’re not attracted to her anymore.” But they, uh, missed a few if you ask my neurotic butt. So, for the good of people who love ladies, I am fessing up with a few more. It’s the ugly truth, folks! Here are some things a woman might not tell you she’s insecure about ….
- My Booty Isn’t All That. Dumps like a truck. Motor in the back of her Honda. Bootylicious. Fat Bottomed Girls. Lady lumps. We’ve listened to enough Top 40 hits to know every man is an ass man. How does mine stack up for him?
- I Bring Home The Bacon. I make more money than him. Will that bother him if he ever finds out? Or worse yet, am I just a sugar mama?
- Do I Look Like His Daughter Or Mother? This is the downside of dating a man with an age difference. But maybe this or sexy photos of these hot older guys will cheer you up.
- I Can’t Be The Aggressor. Ladies are taught that men are natural hunters and must chase us, not the other way around. Otherwise, supposedly, you’re killing their boner with your desperation and he’ll never get it up for you. Dudes of the world, please feel free to call BS in the comments.
- My Boobs Are Too Saggy Or Small. Even if you have a huge rack, you’re still unhappy, no thanks to gravity. As a busty babe myself, I always joke that my Double-D’s are like those over-stuffed deli sandwiches: They look so good, you think you want them, but once you get them, you just don’t know how to eat ‘em. The size is intimidating; it’s almost impossible to get your mouth around ‘em, and by the end of it, you wish there was less meat because it was just too much. After all, more than a mouthful is a waste. Not to mention, they’re impossible to find a cute bra for. I know there is a flip side of this coin, but that’s just my two cents.
- His Friends Don’t Like Me. If I’m not clicking with his friends, is it because he’s saying unflattering things about me to them? Or am I just not fitting in? Either way, we got trouble.
- His Other Girlfriends Were Hotter Than Me. And when we bump into her, he will realize he’s slumming it with me and dump my fugly butt.
- I Am Hairy, Sweaty, Or Acne-Ridden. The trifecta of natural woes you can try to tame, but can never control.
- I’m Fatter Than Him. Sure, girls might ogle some muscle-bound babe. But when it comes down to it, we’d rather screw a teddy bear. This way, we won’t have to worry about not looking like a bikini model ourselves and feel comfortable getting naked.
- His Family Isn’t Going To Like Me. No woman, not even Heidi Klum, could come between a man and his mama. If his family doesn’t think I’m worthy, he won’t ultimately value what we have.
- My Stretch Marks And Cellulite Will Turn Him Off. This is why many women like to have sex in the dark. There, now you know.
- I Can’t Sleep With Him On The First Date If I Want A Relationship. Rumor has it, if a gal puts out too soon, a guy won’t respect her.
- My Vag Is Loosey-Goosey. After a lady has a baby, or heck, even if she uses super-size tampons, she may wonder if she’s tight enough. Every woman wants to come with a “satisfaction guaranteed” stamp!
- My Vag Is Stanky. Speaking of downtown, how it smells is also a sensitive subject.
- Flabby Arms. Unless you’re dating Jada Pinkett Smith, women are insecure about their arms. Believe me, the worst is seeing your sausage arm look almost as big as your head in a bad side photo. Oy. This is why ladies wear wraps to summer weddings — it’s not because we’re worried about getting cold.
Now that we ladies have admitted our deepest, darkest secrets, there’s one lingering question: What are guys insecure about?