While normally I’d say I feel something akin to dipping the world in sprinkles and fluffy bunny tails, today I’m all grrrrrrr! If my attitude could morph into a shape to personify its feelings, it would be a robot with metal teeth that snorts fire at a monster truck rally. I’d crush puny cars, breathe kerosene, and charge admission! OK, clearly I can explain this shift in my personality with one acronym: PMS. Look out, kiddies, because I am about to surf the crimson wave, and until then, it’s not going to be pretty. It’s not my fault, but in the interest of fair warning, I may feel entitled to these following behaviors — and so should you!
- Add extra cheese on that hamburger
- Wear leggings as pants — or really indulge the whole plethora of elastic waistband styles
- Get a tattoo that says “Trust No One”
- Indulge in a $6 coffee drink
- Give the chilling stare of doom to anyone who tries to cross you
- Not go to the gym and not feel guilty about it
- Watch any Meg Ryan, Cher, or Jennifer Aniston movie
- Headbang
- Bitch, moan, and complain
- Flip someone off
- Spray whipped cream directly into your mouth
- Lay in the fetal position under your desk
- Have a cigarette
- Sharpen your kitchen knives
- Give a sex rain check
- Demand sex
- Pick completely irrational fights
- Eat an entire pint of ice cream
- Jello wrestle
- Spend way too much on clothes, shoes, a haircut and/or booze
- Buy out all the chocolate at the newsstand
- Cry like a little bitch
- Show no mercy
- Take a bath for an hour and a half without interruption
- Chow down with your bare hands
- Not pick up the phone on your mom
