26 Things You Can Get Away With Thanks To PMS

While normally I’d say I feel something akin to dipping the world in sprinkles and fluffy bunny tails, today I’m all grrrrrrr! If my attitude could morph into a shape to personify its feelings, it would be a robot with metal teeth that snorts fire at a monster truck rally. I’d crush puny cars, breathe kerosene, and charge admission! OK, clearly I can explain this shift in my personality with one acronym: PMS. Look out, kiddies, because I am about to surf the crimson wave, and until then, it’s not going to be pretty. It’s not my fault, but in the interest of fair warning, I may feel entitled to these following behaviors — and so should you!

  1. Add extra cheese on that hamburger
  2. Wear leggings as pants — or really indulge the whole plethora of elastic waistband styles
  3. Get a tattoo that says “Trust No One”
  4. Indulge in a $6 coffee drink
  5. Give the chilling stare of doom to anyone who tries to cross you
  6. Not go to the gym and not feel guilty about it
  7. Watch any Meg Ryan, Cher, or Jennifer Aniston movie
  8. Headbang
  9. Bitch, moan, and complain
  10. Flip someone off
  11. Spray whipped cream directly into your mouth
  12. Lay in the fetal position under your desk
  13. Have a cigarette
  14. Sharpen your kitchen knives
  15. Give a sex rain check
  16. Demand sex
  17. Pick completely irrational fights
  18. Eat an entire pint of ice cream
  19. Jello wrestle
  20. Spend way too much on clothes, shoes, a haircut and/or booze
  21. Buy out all the chocolate at the newsstand
  22. Cry like a little bitch
  23. Show no mercy
  24. Take a bath for an hour and a half without interruption
  25. Chow down with your bare hands
  26. Not pick up the phone on your mom
Tags: period, pms