Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Joel Cheating On Nicole? A Baby For Jessica Simpson?

It’s that time of year, just past spring fever, when all the baby rumors start. I guess the idea is that once the snow thawed, everyone started shacking up and doing the deed. So, it’s no surprise that this week’s tabloids are all baby dramas and alleged relationships, often simultaneously. I guess that’s why they call it hump day? And so you remain on top of all the news, we rounded up the juiciest gossip once again so that you don’t have to be bothered with paper cuts and inane “They’re Just Like Us” columns.

  • Since we just heard about Jessica Simpson’s new man yesterday, it was a bit shocking that OK!‘s cover says, “Finally! A Baby for Jessica!” What’s with the assumption that we’re all baby-hungry? A doctor, who’s not treating Jessica, noted that the singer’s breast size has increased, she has a newly formed paunch, and her face and nose are rounder than usual, which are all typical of a woman in her 10th week of pregnancy. Then the article discusses how Jess has always said she wanted kids and apparently Eric Johnson has assured her that kids are in his plans as well. So, naturally, it’s happening right now.
  • Apparently, Jessica’s not the only one who’s ready for little ones, as Carrie Underwood and her fiance, Mike Fisher, are apparently aiming for parenthood. A source said, “Carrie and Mike plan to try for a baby immediately, on their honeymoon, and Carrie has been telling friends that she’d love nothing more than to be giving birth to their first child next April. … He’s the love of her life and they both love kids—so she figures, why wait?” Carrie has left all the honeymoon planning up to her beau, but rumor has it that Tahiti is one of the options after their friends Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman gushed about their Tahitian honeymoon.
  • Padma Lakshmi had to go back to filming “Top Chef: D.C.” just a few weeks after giving birth to her daughter, Krishna Thea. But instead of stressing about the weight, she just went with it. Padma told OK!, “I wanted to be good at my job and that involves tasting food. I couldn’t worry about my weight. … I got the help of a good wardrobe person who showed me creatively how to wear things that gave me structure and made me feel womanly and nice.” Padma looks to a stripped-down portrait of herself from Allure for motivation, but adds, “I like the way I look when I’m bigger, and I like the way I look when I’m smaller. They’re just two different versions of me.” The single mom has a lot on her hands, but big or small, she’s still ridiculously beautiful. [OK!]

  • Us Weekly also talked about Jessica Simpson’s new boyfriend, but call him “Jessica’s Married Man.” Apparently, the new couple celebrated the 4th of July in Florida, at Eric Johnson’s grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary. But Johnson is still technically married to his wife of five years, Keri Johnson, as the divorce papers haven’t been finalized. Sources close to the singer say that she might be rushing into the relationship and the tabloid points out that she has a history of changing herself for men. For Johnson, that meant doing a cleanse. Other insiders worry that Johnson is on the rebound. And since Johnson doesn’t have a home in L.A., they have basically shacked up together. Johnson was recently accepted to Wharton business school in Philadelphia, so the retired footballer apparently has bigger plans for himself and maybe for his new lady, too?
  • Since, apparently, the entire “Bachelor” franchise is a sham, Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski announced their breakup. The truth came out at Ed’s 4th of July party, where attendees noticed that where there was once E and J letters hanging on the wall, there was now an E and an empty nail. Heh. Swiderski told a guest, “I’m f**king done. I don’t care. She moved out two weeks ago.” Harris apparently blew up at Ed after all the rumors of cheating and upon finding that he was still texting ex-girlfriends. Ed told Us that one of their main problems was the fact that Harris couldn’t pick a place to settle, but an insider says, “The issue is not about where they’re living, it’s about his maturity.”
  • In other “Bachelor” news, a lot of people who know Jake Pavelka were glad his dark side came out this week, so everyone can see that he’s a jerk. An insider says the segment was edited “to make him look good,” but most people came out thinking he is a creep. A “Bachelor” insider said that most of the contestants weren’t attracted to him once they’d seen one of his outbursts. Plus, Jake admitted off-camera that he has anger issues, saying that when he drinks Jim Beam, he can “get really violent.” A fellow “Bachelorette” cast member said, “When Jake was upset, he got really intense. His eyes would bug out, and he’d start pacing.” A “Dancing with the Stars” source said, “He was such a jerk. He had a short fuse.” [Us Weekly]

  • With all the rumors about Jennifer Aniston’s love life, leave it to the Enquirer to find a new one. Supposedly, America’s sweetheart is in love with Paul Rudd. But Paul is happily married. The two will soon be filming “Wanderlust” together and have been friends for more than a decade. (The two starred in “The Object of My Affection” back in 1998 and Paul guest-starred on “Friends.”) But a source says, “Jen has developed an unhealthy attachment to Paul. It’s as if she’s living out her own private romance fantasy so she doesn’t have to face the reality of her real-world, dead-end love life.” Rudd has always been there for Jen and apparently has no idea that she’s “mistaken his affections for something more.” Read the signs, Jen!
  • Al Gore’s massage scandal is mounting. Sources say that Tipper Gore might have the opportunity to get revenge as police believe that she probably knows what went down. “Tipper certainly knows a lot of secrets about her husband and is in such a state right now that she’s mulling what she wants to say,” a source says. The masseuse, Molly Hagerty, says that since she’s revealed herself, someone has vandalized her car but she’s glad that the police have re-opened her case since after her initial charges police didn’t contact anyone at the hotel nor did they take her stained pants as evidence.
  • The Enquirer rounded up some “Plastic Surgery Shockers” and most shocking was that they suggested that several stars, including Christopher Walken, could benefit from some. Also surprising, Heidi Fleiss had a lip reduction to correct her previously over-plumped pout so she could “look normal for a change. For so many years, I had these huge lips but I was so stoned most of the time, I didn’t care what I looked like.” It was also sad to see Lara Flynn Boyle’s face with what one doctor called “the Hollywood ‘puffy face syndrome'” which made her look slightly chipmunkish. [National Enquirer]

  • People caught up with Real Housewife and star of “Bethenny Getting Married?,” Bethenny Frankel. She opened up about her bulimic and alcoholic mother, her absent father, and her partying past. Bethenny says, “I was miserable and panic-stricken. It was no longer cute to go out and find another guy to take care of me.” After meeting her husband at a nightclub in 2008 and getting pregnant and engaged in 11 months, Frankel says she was still commitment-wary but realized it was a chance at stability. “He’s my anchor. I fell in love with a regular guy with a regular salary. He taught me that being taken care of was emotional and not financial.”
  • Jeremy London is still trying to convince everyone that he was kidnapped and forced to do drugs. “I was so scared,” the actor said. “Every time I try to close my eyes, all this stuff in my head starts back up. … I was acting my way through the whole thing, telling myself, ‘Just play like you are one of them.'” Which is maybe why the accused suspect, Brandon Adams, said that they were just hanging out and it was London’s idea to go buy ecstasy? London said, “The feeling I got was that the best thing I could have done was get killed … and then they could make a TV movie about me, and maybe [Jason] could get a chance to play me. Although I would hope they would opt for a stronger talent than that.” Geez.
  • People were the only ones with access to Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green’s wedding photos, which show the couple on a beautiful sunset beach in Hawaii, alongside Green’s 8-year-old son, Kassius. Apparently, the couple “texted their parents the news that evening.” A friend says, “They were beyond happy, and they seemed so comfortable. They decided a long time ago that they belonged with each other.” The couple spent their honeymoon swimming with dolphins and lying on the beach. A source, “She kept looking at him in disbelief, like, ‘I can’t believe you’re my husband.'” [People]

  • Star says Nicole Richie has been betrayed by fiance Joel Madden, who was partying in a Florida VIP lounge with his twin brother Benji Madden, inviting all the girls at the club to hang out. The club’s DJ said, “You’d have never known Joel was with Nicole—not the way he was behaving.” Nicole apparently has her suspicions. A friend said, “He’s getting more and more careless lately. Nicole is sure he’s been cheating for a while.” Their engagement apparently hasn’t led to any wedding planning and Nicole is trying to raise their two children while Joel tours with Good Charlotte. An insider says, “She wants to give the kids a normal, happy family life and is desperate for Joel to start respecting her again.”
  • Apparently, Jennifer Aniston isn’t sitting at home, pining away for Paul Rudd, as she was seen on a date with actor Christopher Gartin, who has guest-starred on “True Blood” and also directed a public service announcement about dolphin cruelty that Aniston starred in. An eyewitness says, “Jen looked really happy to be with him. They had an obvious connection.” The two dined at Tower Bar in West Hollywood and as they were leaving, Gartin “had his arm around her and then grabbed her hand. … As they drove off, Jen’s date leaned over and helped her with her seat belt. … Jen couldn’t hide the huge smile on her face.”
  • In anticipation for Leonardo DiCaprio’s new movie “Inception,” Star interviewed the actor. Leonardo says, “I’m not a big dreamer. So for this movie I had to read Freud’s book on the analysis of dreams. I really did my research. But then I realized that this was our director Chris Nolan’s dream world. It has its own rules.” When asked if the actor’s recent roles in this movie and “Shutter Island” are his “dark period,” Leo said, “Both films are psychologically dark at times, but I find them both extremely exciting. … There’s nothing more boring than showing up on a set and saying a line, knowing your character means exactly what he’s saying.” Leo also revealed that he’s working on a J. Edgar Hoover movie with Clint Eastwood, but no news yet on whether he’ll be cross-dressing! [Star]