12 Ways Lindsay Lohan Can Survive 90 Days In Jail

After violating her parole, Lindsay Lohan is headed to the slammer. On July 20th, she’ll report for three consecutive 30-day sentences. So how will Lindsay get through three months in the clink? Some ideas for passing the time, after the jump.

  1. She can use the time to perfect her killer nail art skills.
  2. Oh, and isn’t this the perfect opportunity to read Orange is the New Black: My Year In A Women’s Prison by Piper Kerman?
  3. Look on the bright side, Lindsay. Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days but only served 23 before being released for good behavior. So, if you clean up your attitude, maybe you can get out in a month and a half.
  4. Be thankful that she doesn’t have to deal with paparazzi for three months.
  5. Learn the art of prison beauty. We hear a burnt match tip or ink from a pen make great eyeliner.
  6. Make this a method acting exercise so she can nail the role of porn star Linda Lovelace.
  7. She can count her freckles to pass the time.
  8. Give herself an authentic prison tattoo?
  9. It’s lucky that in the past few years Lindsay has had a relationship with a woman. Maybe she can find a Samantha Ronson look-alike while she’s there?
  10. Start learning all the many uses for sanitary pads—we hear that they are “all-purpose” in prison.
  11. Hire a private prison guard. Because everyone will want to jump the mean girl.
  12. Get a book deal so she can start working on it while she’s there!

Yes, I feel very mean now.