5 Ways To Lose A Girl In 5 Minutes

I recently went out on a very, very disappointing date. The sad thing was that I thought I really liked this guy going into it. We had met a week earlier at a mutual friend’s party and hit it off. We had a great conversation and had lots in common. He asked me thoughtful questions, seemed interested in getting to know me, and made sure to get my number when we parted ways. He asked me out to dinner a couple days later, sent nice emails in the interim saying how excited he was to see me again, even called me on the phone for a chat. Everything seemed in order for us to have an amazing time on our date. Oh, how wrong I was. After the jump, the five things that this guy did to lose me in five minutes. He totally would have had it in the bag. What a doofus.

  1. Start with a negative comment. The first thing this guy said to me when he walked into the restaurant was, “I’m feeling a little off tonight.” Of course I responded with, “I’m sorry. Do you want to reschedule?” He sighed loudly and said, “No. I’ll be OK.” This immediately knocked the wind out of my sails. I’m not pumped to be out with a guy who would rather be at home in bed. If you’re not up for a date, guys, please reschedule. I won’t be offended.
  2. Talk about your pet. A lot of dudes have pets and they love them very much. I’m all about that. It’s attractive. But I was not cool with this guy telling me that Fido is all he needs in his life … like, in lieu of a relationship. Specifically, he said that the only reason he would want a relationship is to have someone to watch TV with at the end of a long day. Then he followed that up with, “But that’s what my dog is for.” Then what exactly is the point of this date if you’re in love with your dog?
  3. Insult me. In all fairness, he did compliment me exactly once. He begrudgingly told me I looked nice. But that did not make up for the fact that he accused me of being “too much.” Hate! I know he’s used to spending quality time with his dog and all, but human beings interact with each other. I think it’s normal and natural to ask questions of a person you are trying to get to know. I’m not Fido. And perhaps if he had asked me more than two questions about myself, I wouldn’t have had to give him the third degree over dinner. Excuse me for not feeling comfortable with awkward silences on our very first date. I had no intention of sitting around and licking his feet.
  4. Act superior. After all of his poor form, this guy told me that he’s very particular about dating and recently “decided to start giving girls more of a chance.” Well, how kind of him! I should have presented him with a medal right there on the spot. Did I mention that he’s 10 years older than me and way less attractive than the guys I normally date? But I have been giving all kinds of people chances for years now regardless of age, looks, or baldness. Yes, he was bald.
  5. Don’t pay for dinner. I know this is a very controversial topic. Let me preface this by saying that I am not looking for a man with money. I don’t expect to be wined and dined. But plain and simple, if you invite me out on a first date, I would really like it if you paid. I will probably take you out next time and in the future, we can split the check. Call me old-fashioned or whatever else you want to call me, but when this guy asked me for money and to figure out the tip, my vagina died.