How To Deal With Fair-Weather Friends

If you’re lucky, you have an awesome group of girlfriends. Our friends keep us sane and happy … most of the time. What about the friends who aren’t always true blue? The fair-weather friend is in your address book, but she doesn’t always make it to your planner. You count her as one of your closest buddies, but she has let you down more times than you can count. Here’s how to deal with a friend who isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

  • She only calls you when she needs something. She never answers when you call to catch up, but the second she needs a favor from you, she won’t stop blowing up your phone. When she needs the name of that restaurant you once went to, she needs it now, now, now. She takes advantage of your kindness and reliability, but what about when you need something, like a friendly phone call or lunch date?
  • How to deal: Help her out, but give her a warning. Do the favor or give her the information she needs/wants, but add, “I expect a phone call later telling me how it went.” If you don’t get a thank you, a favor in return, or a catch-up session, don’t be so helpful the next time around.

  • She only has time for you when she’s single. She’s your shopping buddy, go-to girl, and confidante … until she gets a boyfriend. Then, she falls off the face of the earth. She’s “working late tonight,” she has plans with Mark or, OMG, she’s so sorry, she totally forgot about your lunch date. Your favorite pal disappears from your social life. What gives?
  • How to deal: Know her behavior, and don’t be surprised when she ditches you every time a new guy comes into her life. If it really bothers you, speak up. Say, “I’m so happy you’re happy with Mark, but we haven’t hung out in so long. Can we please get together soon?” Make plans, and if she blows you off again, retreat from the friendship. You deserve a friend who is there for you no matter what her relationship status is.

  • She only wants to talk about herself. You love the girl, but if she doesn’t stop talking about her problems, her job, and her boyfriend, you might scream. You can’t even get a word in to give her advice. Listening to her all the time is exhausting and unfair.
  • How to deal: She probably doesn’t realize how self-absorbed she is. Interrupt your usual “uh-huh” and “no way” with, “The same thing happened to me last week! I was walking home … ” You can also bring it to her attention, or simply learn how much you can tolerate. Don’t call her as much, unless you’re in the mood to be her personal life coach.

  • She confuses your friendship for your car, wardrobe, summer home, etc. You’ve got the car keys, and she needs a ride. You’re happy to help a sister out, but why does it feel like she’s using you? You’re starting to feel like your friendship is on a one-way street heading in her direction.
  • How to deal: There is much more to a friendship than material perks. Stop being her personal chauffeur, and see what happens. Seriously, just say no. You can’t today — you have something to do. Is she still being nice to you? She’d better be.

  • She only makes an appearance for the “big” stuff and expects to be your BFF. You never see or hear from the girl, but the second you do, she wants to know everything about you. She shows up for the biggest events in your life, but she misses your normal life for some reason or another. You want to tell her all, but where was she all those times you wanted to vent/talk/see her?
  • How to deal: Weddings, birthdays, and bat mitzvahs are wonderful ways to bring friends together, but if your buddy lives down the street, major events shouldn’t be the only time you see each other. Out-of-town gals are obviously a different story, but if the lady is your neighbor and never stops by, your friendship might not be as strong as you think it is. Maybe keeping your distance really is the best way to prevent your feelings from getting hurt.