29 Signs Your Biological Clock Is Ticking

I thought I could beat science. I thought breeding would be best left to girls with, you know, feelings. It was for women whose gag reflex is strong enough to handle rooms full of “baby pink” and stores with names like “A Pea In The Pod.” I remember watching Marisa Tomei in “My Cousin Vinny” talk about her biological clock and thinking, Dang that is one slammin’ mini dress she can pull off. Why the heck would she give that bod up for a baby with some schlub? Bitch is crazy! But lately, I have to admit, I just can’t fight this feeling anymore! Babies have won me over with their adorable powers, which are part bunny-soft, part kung-fu grip. Curse you, cuties! You are sweet, lovable lady kryptonite. So, as someone who is trying to hit the snooze button on her biological clock, I’m here to help you, my fellow womankind, to notice the sneaky signs of their newborn magic working on you …

  1. You’re checking out the man with a Baby Bjorn at the park, even though he’s standing next to a ripped, shirtless dude soaking up some rays.
  2. You make silly faces at passing kids is strollers.
  3. When you hear a baby cry you think, Aww! instead of STFU!
  4. That woman over there is a bad mother. You’d be so much better.
  5. Your horoscope says you’re going to be pleasantly surprised and you think you should pick up a home pregnancy test.
  6. The cutest thing in the world: baby shoes!
  7. It didn’t even occur to you that there was something odd about a grown woman going to see “Toy Story 3.”
  8. Pregnant ladies don’t scare you.
  9. Dog-sitting for your friend made for the best weekend ever.
  10. You already have a pet, but you want one more.
  11. Your mom is starting to make sense.
  12. You are getting way too comfortable talking about bodily functions.
  13. You suddenly notice the places you go would be great to bring kids to.
  14. One-night stands have lost their appeal.
  15. You’ve thought about buying a onesie with a hilarious pun on it and saving it for when you have a baby.
  16. You might not know all the adults at the BBQ, but everyone at the kids’ table knows your name.
  17. When a kid cries in your arms, you don’t hand them back to their mother.
  18. Baby showers are full of the cutest crap, aren’t they?
  19. You always wait, holding the door open, when you see a woman with a stroller in the area.
  20. When you see cool kid stuff, you don’t think, I used to love this! Instead, you think, So-and-so’s kid would love this!
  21. You have figured out how a baby would fit in your apartment.
  22. You get pangs of nostalgia for your old babysitting days. Sigh.
  23. LOL Cats is your slang. “Can I haz babeez now?!”
  24. You kill time at work surfing for adorable animal photos.
  25. Breastfeeding in public is a beautiful, natural thing.
  26. You totally comment on more than one of your friend’s Facebook baby photos.
  27. Your new personal hero is:
  28. The thought of giving up booze for nine months doesn’t freak you out.
  29. You’ve already spent more time looking at the super cute baby in the photo above than reading this list.
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