There’s an interesting letter posted over at The Stir from an anonymous reader who confesses that she and her husband made a sex contract when her low libido started to affect their marriage. She writes:
After the birth of our first child, my libido plummeted. Things went from bad to worse in my relationship, and my husband was accusing me of abandoning him. So I made a sex agreement: Twice a week, I’d do it, whether I felt like it or not. It sounds sort of brutal, but I love him and didn’t want to lose him over sex. And it turned out that once I got started, I always felt better. Pretty soon we didn’t have to schedule it anymore, and after we had our second kid, it was easier to get back on the horse.
This post threw me for a loop in that I couldn’t decide how I felt about her little sex agreement. On one hand, sex is a very important part of making a romantic relationship — and marriage — work and it takes effort from both partners to keep things spicy and interesting. That said, I was bothered by the letter writer’s use of the word “brutal” — I would hate to ever consider making love to my significant other “brutal,” even when I might not be in the mood.
Anonymous’ letter was short and it’s certainly possible she left out details about other measures she and her husband took to overcome her libido issues, including talking to a doctor, etc. Certainly when you love someone, you want to see them happy, and making them feel desired sexually is part of that; there were times in my previous relationships where I sometimes felt like I was going through the motions sexually — I wasn’t in the mood, but I cared deeply for my partner and didn’t want to, well, deprive him. However, I never worried that I would “lose” him because I wasn’t giving it up, nor did I think my sometimes low libido might be justification for him straying. What do you think about having a sex contract like this in a relationship? Have you ever made an “agreement” to have sex with an S.O. even on days when you just weren’t in the mood? Let us know in the comments! [The Stir]