Shun, Shag, Or Marry: The Men Of “True Blood”

This Sunday night brings us the third episode of THE third season of “True Blood.” And it looks like it’s going to be amazing. Sookie is trying to find Bill, Eric’s trying to get with Sookie, Sam has an angry little brother, Tara has a vampire love interest, werewolves are on the hunt, and Lafayette is … well, awesome. And so, it’s time to Shun, Shag, or Marry the many men of “True Blood.” After the jump, I have conveniently divided them into two camps—the Loves of Sookie and the Loves of Tara.

The Many Loves of Sookie

Shun: Eric. Now, I know this is controversial. Most of you would put him in the Shag column since the dude is basically sex on a stick. But let me explain. Call me crazy, but I like nice guys. And Eric ain’t nice. Sure he may be ostensibly helping Sookie on her quest to find Bill, but he clearly has ulterior motives. Oh, and he also tricked Sookie into drinking his blood to get mind control over her and is betraying his own kind by selling vampire blood. Eric’s the slick guy with the nice butt who if you ever rolled around with in the hey, you would instantly regret it the next day because, well, he has fangs. Shun!

Shag: Sam Merlotte. Sam is the sweet, kind, funny friend who always has your back. Oh, and he and just happens to be mega hot in a scruffy way. And is naked all the time since he’s a shapeshifter and whose clothes fall when he changes! So, what are you waiting for?

Marry: Bill Compton. Bill is the total package. He’s totally dreamy, has somehow managed to reign in his base instincts, and is head-over-heels in love with Sookie. Bill is so freaking marryable that, as we speak, Sookie is desperately searching to find him so that she can tell him she’d like to become Mrs. Compton after all. Even in real life, Anna Paquin is marrying Stephen Moyer. And so, you should say “I do,” too.

Honorable Mention: Snoop Dogg!

[For the record, I am in complete disagreement with Kate’s order. Because I am the editor and I am allowed to do what I want, this is how I woulda chosen: SHUN Sam, SHAG Bill, MARRY Eric. Because marrying goes along with shagging. Ha! — Editor Amelia]

The Loves of Tara

Shun: Franklin Mott. You’re probably asking yourself—who? He’s the vampire who asked Tara for a bottle of True Blood at the end of last episode. He will be Tara’s love interest for the season. While we’re glad she’s getting a vampire of her own, we don’t know about this guy. He’s a vampire detective and seems a little shady to me. Please exit the building, Franklin.

Shag: Jason Stackhouse. Jason is dumb as rocks, but insanely hot. Plus, he’s Bon Temps’ resident man whore. Even in real life, Ryan Kwanten is writing a sex guide called The G-Strategy. Perfect shag material.

Marry: Eggs. Yes, he has an unbearably ridiculous name. But Mechad Brooks is the hottest thing on television … possibly ever. That, and he’s a really good guy, at least when he’s not ripping people’s hearts out, literally—which he totally didn’t mean to do. He was under Maryann’s spell! Eggs is the kind of guy you’d be happy to come home to for years to come. Too bad he’s dead. It’s gonna take Tara a while to get over that one.

Who would you choose? Discuss.