Tips For Avoiding Awkward TMI Moments

Do you know what drives me crazy? Too much information at the inappropriate time and place. I don’t want to hear about your struggle with mental illness at my birthday party, or your bout of diarrhea while I’m working, or how you’re under federal investigation for tax evasion on our first date, or how your ex-GF had a banging body the first time I am naked in your bed. TMI! Because it just doesn’t seem to come instinctively to some people, we thought we might need to spell it out for ya. How much info is too much info? After the jump, the rules of TMI brought to you by The Frisky staff. Because we care about you. Feel free to add your own TMI rules to live by in the comments.AT WORK

Thou shalt not discuss:

Bodily functions. We don’t want to know that you’re late for work because your hemorrhoids were acting up.

Sex. Don’t tell us about getting laid last night (unless you work at The Frisky in which case you’re expected to blog about it). Also, we so don’t need to know about your dirty affair with the boss.

Personal minutia. We don’t really need a full report of what you did last night, including your painful family dinner followed by the dream you had where you were being chased by killer pandas. “What did you do last night?” “I went to dinner with my family.” Sufficient.

Politics. We don’t want to know that you voted for Bush … twice.

Religion. If you want to pray before lunch, that’s your business. Don’t ask us to join you.

Money. Unless you are negotiating your salary or have a question about your paycheck, we don’t need to know how much more you make.

AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS

Thou shalt not discuss:

Bodily functions. We don’t need to know that you are drinking cranberry juice cocktails because you have a raging UTI.

Work. Please don’t corner us and tell us about your evil boss for an hour. If we ask you how work’s going, keep it short and sweet. “I’m up for a promotion.”

Sex. We don’t need a list of all the guys at the party you’ve given blowjobs to. If it’s an all-ladies gathering and we want to talk about ween, you’ll know.

Personal stuff. If you need to talk to me about how your anti-anxiety meds have got you twisted, schedule a private coffee date. If we just met five minutes ago, we don’t need to talk about the emotional effects of growing up with an abusive parent unless A) we asked or B) it came up naturally in conversation. Even then, we’ll probably still be a little uncomfortable talking about it unless you are our close friend.

Money. We don’t need to know how much the down payment on your new apartment was. Unless the bill is on the table or you want to know the name of our accountant because your taxes are due, no money talk.

ON DATES

Thou shalt not discuss:

Bodily functions. We don’t want to know that our dinner is giving you gas. Not sexy.

Money. A first date is a bad time to tell us that you are $100k in debt and living in your parents’ garage.

Other romantic involvements. Please don’t tell us about all the other dates you have lined up for the rest of the week. If the topic of past relationships comes up, tread lightly. We want to know the gist of what happened with your last girlfriend, not that your pet name for her was “Snookums” and that you two saw a sex therapist because she had trouble achieving orgasm.

IN BED

Thou shalt not discuss:

Sex with other people. Please don’t tell us about that crazy thing your ex did to you in bed or the best orgasm of your life that you didn’t have with us.

Work. Remembering that you have a big project due the next day while we’re getting busy will not get us hot.

Family. Mentioning how your worried about mother’s upcoming surgery right after we’ve climaxed is NOT OK. Please wait a few minutes at least.

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