The Deets On Al Gore’s “Unwanted Sexual Contact”

The National Enquirer planted the seed, and now everyone is trying to get to the bottom of the charges of “unwanted sexual contact” against Al Gore. On Al’s side is the fact that the police department saw “insufficient evidence” to officially charge him, and that, after giving an initial interview to the police, the masseuse canceled three appointments with officers before her lawyer explained that they’d be filing a civil case. However, the Portland Police Department’s “Confidential Special Report” and the transcript of the interview with the masseuse have been uncovered, and the charges in there are just foul. The nasty deets after the jump.

  • The masseuse was called to the room of “Mr. Stone” at an upscale Portland hotel, and when she found out her client was Al Gore, she was pleased. Until he started requested her to massage not-so-innocent places—like the inside of his thigh. She says that while massaging his stomach, he groaned and yelled, “Go lower!” The police transcript reads, “I decided to clarify things… I said, ‘Well, why don’t you show me’ … He grabbed my right hand hard, shoved it down under the sheet to his pubic area, my fingers brushing against his penis and firmly planted my hand on his pubic crest region and said to me, ‘There!’ in a very sharp, loud, angry-sounding tone.”
  • A few minutes later he started asking for “release of his second chakra. ‘There’s so much tension being held…'” Translation: he wanted a happy ending.
  • At the end of the massage, Gore allegedly grabbed her in an “inescapable embrace” and proceeded to fondle her front and backside. He then “forced an open mouth kiss on me… [He] laughed, clearly enjoying himself at the expense of my discomfort.”
  • While she was trying to get him out of the room, “He turned to me and he immediately flipped me flat on my back and threw his whole body face down over atop me, pinning me down… ‘Get off me, you big lummox!’ I loudly protested to him and I struggled with my whole body to shove him as hard as I could to roll him off me… He painfully squeezed my nipples through my clothing, pressed his pelvis against mine, rubbed my buttocks with his hands and fingers and rubbed himself against my crotch.”
  • And the explanation for why she kept her pants as evidence? She came home and, “I took ‘em off and I said what’s those stains on the front of those? And I wondered if it was soap or bodily fluids from Gore pushing up against me repeatedly?”

Who knows if we’ll ever find out if this is true or not, but if it is … Ick. Ick. Ick.