Dear Wendy Updates: “Jealous Girlfriend” Responds
Thanks to reader ACooper’s suggestion, we now have a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” in which people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Jealous Girlfriend,” who had issues with her new-ish boyfriend still hanging out with a former girlfriend. I advised her to work on her confidence in her relationship, which had started out a bit rocky, and show the ex-girlfriend how happy they are and how her boyfriend has clearly moved on. Did she follow my advice? Did things work out for her and her boyfriend? Is the ex-girlfriend still hanging around? Check out her update after the jump.
Back in December you helped me deal some extreme jealousy over a girl who used to hook up with/date my boyfriend. You basically told me — and rightly — that it wasn’t about her, it was about my insecurity with the relationship, and that I should try to let it go. Your advice was definitely good, and I tried to take it to heart. However, I think that the best thing for me was really time. Over the months that followed my e-mail to you, my boyfriend and I kept dating, and things just kept getting better between us. As we became closer, the ex-hookup faded into the background. She turned out to be less of a close friend than I thought; you recommended that I become friends with her since I thought she’d always be around, but lo and behold once she realized that my boyfriend had a serious girlfriend, she disappeared. I haven’t had a conversation with her since hearing from you, and my boyfriend no longer hangs out with her unless he runs into her at a professional event. We’re now going on a year of dating, and things couldn’t be better.
In the end, I think that she really was after my boyfriend, but once she saw that we were in a solid relationship that wasn’t about to end, she backed off. Also, as our relationship became stronger, she just mattered less to me; I now have enough confidence to not worry if he sees her or any other girls. So sometimes I guess you have to just take a deep breath and try to shake the jealousy off (which is really what you recommended). I was really grateful that you published my e-mail and gave me your advice; it was great to know that someone was listening to me, especially since I felt so ridiculous admitting my jealousy to my boyfriend and friends. Thanks again!
This is a great example of how letting go of relationship anxiety and letting things run their natural course can really pay off. Bottom line: if it’s right and you invest in the relationship, it’s going to work out. No amount of outside influences is going to screw it up if you stay focused on what matters to you (your significant other) and make your relationship a priority.