Thanks to reader ACooper’s suggestion, we now have a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” in which people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Worried,” a high school student whose boyfriend’s mother had just committed suicide when she wrote to me for advice. While the subject was tragic, this was one of my most gratifying “Dear Wendy” experiences because of the way the community here rallied and showed its support for “Worried.” One reader who had once been in a similar situation even asked me to pass along her email to “Worried,” which I did and she was then able to provide further advice and support. “Worried” has been on my mind since I first heard from her, so I was really happy to learn she and her boyfriend are doing OK. Check out her update after the jump.
I’m really really glad I decided to email you about my problem. You and the Frisky-ers were really supportive, and it was exactly what I wanted/needed to hear. I wasn’t completely prepared for all the changes to come, but I had a much clearer idea of what could happen, and it made it easier to deal with them. In fact, because you published my letter, a very kind woman who experienced a very similar situation (except it happened in college for her) was able to contact me and provide a lot of good advice and support.
Right now, my boyfriend and I are both pretty stable, in terms of personal lives and our relationship. He is now more mature, but he’s also more snappy at times, presumably still trying to deal with grief (but still the same person I love!). Our relationship is closer than ever before, partly because we’re kind of bound by trauma, but also because he knows he can rely on me whenever he needs me. Superficially though, we don’t go on many dates because the family he stays with (he didn’t want to stay with his dad) goes on lots of trips and lives further away from me. That makes me a bit sad, but at the same time I’m glad he has such a warm family to stay with. As for me, I now value everything more, because life can be snuffed out so quickly.
Thanks, Wendy, and the Frisky-ers! I really really really appreciate all your support.
Thanks for writing, Worried. I’m sure I can speak for everyone when I say we wish you only the best and hope you and your boyfriend continue to stay strong and grow together.
If you are someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too (whether you liked my advice or hated it). Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the post where your letter originally ran, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.