Thanks to reader ACooper’s suggestion, we now have a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” in which people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Worked Up,” a young woman who had trouble dealing with a rude co-worker, and “Twice in Love,” who wondered whether she could be in love with two men — one of whom she’s married to — and make it work with both…
I was “Worked Up” and while sometimes my co-worker does still drive me up the wall, I am slowly but surely learning to live with her not liking me. I try and take it one day at a time, and some days it does still get me down. There are not many other individuals in my office who I can be friends with (our office is a much older crowd). As a result, I have really been focusing on my “after-work” life, where I can vent and just be myself. I have also applied to another job, within the same field, and have an interview tomorrow! Fingers crossed I’ll get it and then I’ll chalk this one up to another life experience.
And to answer the question of whether or not the comments helped: While I thought your comments were very good, Wendy, it was the other commenters who really made my day (especially Iris.Blue – thank you!). I was shocked when I read my question; I didn’t think you would post it! But I was happy to see your response and I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.
Kudos to everyone for giving great comments and helping “Worked Up” find some resolution in her situation. Good luck to her on her job interview!
To follow up on the advice you gave, I’m still in love with both men and luckily for me, things have smoothed over. While I wasn’t ready to end things with my lover, I did take your advice about going to Openingup.net and I found a lot of good books and local online polyamory groups that I could look to for guidance. So after a lot of introspection and honest communication, I’m finding a balance between the two. At the end of the day, I definitely think I’m a polyamorist (I just can’t do the casual sex required of my husband’s “hot wife” fantasy) and he is happy with the arrangement I have with my lover — especially now that I’ve shifted my approach to make it perfectly clear that he comes first. Meanwhile, my lover isn’t seeing anyone besides me because he’s happy to have a regular, loving partner without the stress of a traditional relationship.
This is still one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever been through, but also one of the most rewarding. I’m learning a lot about myself, about love and about relationships so in the end, I think that it’s worth it. Thanks for your help!
If you are someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too (whether you liked my advice or hated it). Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the post where your letter originally ran, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.