You Couldn’t Pay Me $1 Million To Live In Danielle Staub’s Old House

For a mere $1.095 million you can reside in the house where “Real Housewife of New JerseyDanielle Staub leads her pathetic existence. Even though the house is “luxury” by normal standards, you couldn’t offer me all the Scooby snacks in the world to set foot in there. Even if I could actually afford it. A few reasons why after the jump.

  1. I cannot and will not use the same bidet that Danielle uses. End of story.
  2. It’s impossible to sleep soundly in a room where a sex tape was filmed.
  3. Pet damage.
  4. Every lowlife and hit man in New Jersey will know your new address.
  5. I don’t really need a cabana, a tanning room, or a billiards room unless I plan to run a Vegas resort, a coke ring, or a brothel out of my home.
  6. One or two bathrooms is sufficient for the average family. Six bathrooms? Again … brothel.
  7. No doubt the house is bugged by the feds.
  8. The Cop Without A Badge guy is surely coming back for revenge.
  9. There is no deep clean, no amount of sage burning, and no energy-mover skilled enough to get rid of the Staubness.
  10. As I learned from the movie “Poltergeist,” restless spirits can haunt houses. And they can come in through the television. Frankly, I’m afraid of Danielle … very afraid.