What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Done For Revenge After A Breakup?

Of course I’ve never been through a breakup that left me feeling like a woman scorned. And I’ve definitely never been so desperate for revenge that I signed my ex up for an extreme kitten lovers email listserv when he hated cats. OK, maybe I did. I’m sorry, I know it’s awful. It was just that it brought me so much joy imagining all the kitten SPAM he would receive at work. Sigh, if only I had the 30-Day Breakup Guide to help me through the hard times. After the jump, some more embarrassing tales of post-breakup revenge. See, I’m not alone. Fess up in the comments, if you dare.

“I ran a screwdriver across his CDs, picked up his laptop and threw it on the floor, and punched a girl I thought he cheated on me with in the face. It was great.”

“After my ex and I broke up we were trying to be friends, but I was still angry. When I was at a party at his place, his face was bothering me so I stole all of the condoms out of the hiding place from under his bed. I also pulled out a few receipts from his ridiculously neat “receipt stack” (he was anal). Then I made a run for the dumpster outside. Oopsie!”

“I had a relationship — emotional, then physical — with a guy who said he would break up with his girlfriend for me. He dragged his feet about ending it and then lied to me about going on a break with her. When I found out, I went temporarily bats**t and I emailed this girl at her work email to tell her what her boyfriend had been doing. I purposefully included a lot of details so he couldn’t continue to lie about it. It was definitely the nastiest thing I’d ever done! They’re still together, though, so I guess it wasn’t worth it.”

“He broke up with me by leaving a bag of my stuff on my doorstep one morning with a note that said simply ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ so I slept with his best friend for the next five months.”

“I once seriously considered putting takeout sushi in my ex’s clothing drawers. I had just paid for the takeout, taxi fare, and a train ticket to go see him. I insisted he go to an ATM to reimburse me and so he left the apartment to do that. While I was there alone for about 15 minutes, I got this evil idea that I should hide the rest of the sushi places where he would not find it until it started to stink. Fortunately, I aborted this evil mission because I was afraid he’d call the cops on me for property damage.”

“I grabbed my ex by the hair—he was making out with another girl in front of me at a show—and kicked him. This didn’t particularly hurt him, but what did hurt was having all my other large punk rock guy friends surround him and threaten to kick his a** because he made me cry. He was terrified and begged me to call them off.”

“Is blogging about him and his new girlfriend for the last year and a half considered ‘revenge’? If so, THAT.”

“I suspected one evil ex of having committed a crime. So I dropped a dime on him with the cops. I have no idea if he did it, but the cops were pretty pissed so he at least got picked up.”

“I knew my ex was paranoid about losing his hair, so I signed up him for a membership at The Hair Club for Men. When the welcome package came in the mail, he flipped out for weeks. Such an ass!”